Those Dancing Stars
by xoxoclace
Summary: Clary Fray; known as the girl who needs to pop pills in her mouth twice a day in order to keep breathing. She's alone and on the verge of suicide. Until she meets the the new family in town, her neighbors. One golden boy will change her world forever, but will it be for the best? Or will he push her off the edge?
1. Oblivion

**Hey everyone, just a shoutout to y'all that are reading this! **

**It's my first fan fiction, so plzzzz bare with me. **

**I had this idea in my head for a while and I just decided to write, so here it goes. **

**Yes, the first few chapters are super short, I'm sorry!**

**But I promise they get longer. **

**All rights go to Cassie Clare. **

* * *

Cℓαяу

August 14th

I've heard depression is a lonely thing.

But I have to differ,

I enjoy the sweet serenity of silence.

I savor my time alone, which is mostly twenty-four hours.

And most of all, I relish the sensation when those dancing stars appear in my vision and it feels like it's all almost over.

August 16th

I hate the expression, 'you have nothing to loose' because you have everything to loose. And on May 10th, not only did I loose my mother; I lost myself.

Have you ever heard of oblivion? It's the state of being unaware or unconscious of what's happening around you. That was me. Correct, *is me.

When my mother passed away, I didn't believe the police officers. I couldn't process the thought of my mother not being in this world anymore. It was like I was physically numb; I was emotionless for a few days. I didn't cry, never really talked to anyone for a while because I believed someone was playing a joke on me. Some sick, cruel joke that somehow they would find amusing. I actually believed my mother would pop into my bedroom one night and be like, "surprise!". And everything would be normal again. It was sad, because back then, I had hope. Hope that things could get better and life wasn't just a miserable place where I was along for the ride.

But then one day, about five days after the accident occurred, it all sunk in.

Every Tuesday Night, my mother and I would go to a yoga class in upstate Brooklyn together, it always loosed up my muscles for the upcoming cheerleading practices. And when she didn't show up, something clicked inside of me. It's like during tests in school when you don't know the answer to a difficult question and finally the solution pops in your head. But except during school, it's always a positive resolution. And in that moment, when everything clicked, it shattered my entire world.

I completely broke down at the yoga place, crying, and throwing whatever shit I could get my hands on. The police were called on me, and there were rumors flying around in the tiny town I live in that I was crazy. Things like, "poor messed up little girl," and "it sucks to be her." Which you would think people would be a little bit more symactic to a girl who has just lost her mother, but no. I'm just Clary Fray; the art freak that never talks, and hangs out with those other losers, so I guess it was all coming to me.

But at the end of the day, who really cares what other people think. I've only loved three people in my life, my mother, Luke, and my best friend Simon. And I've lost basically all three of them. It's only me now. I guess you could toss in the cheesy pun, 'it's only you against the world' right now. But at the end of the day, I'm being 100% serious.

I don't mind it just being me. I guess I have Luke since he is my stepfather, but since the accident, he's gone off the rails as well. I couldn't blame him, he loved my mother so much and to loose someone you care about, it's tough.

I barely see him though, he wakes up and heads to the little bookshop he owns on the corner of 9th, and doesn't come home until around seven or eight. Then he grabs dinner and heads to his room, saying he's on the verge of exhaustion. Aren't we all?

I don't know what happened to us. I've known Luke since I can remember. He taught me to ride my bicycle, he's always been to all my ballet recitals, and now, he's a complete stranger to me. And when I think of it, my mother wouldn't have wanted this. But I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do about anything anymore.

August 18th

"CLARY! CLARY! CLARY!" an irked voice shouts from downstairs.

I jerk my earphones out, ending Coldplay in the middle of a sentence, "Yes?" I call back shortly to Luke, annoyed, he usually never bothers me this early in the morning.

"I have to meet with the lawyer about your mother's will today…" and there it is again, that sensation as if all your oxygen gets cuts off. _Mother, mother, mother_. _Breath Clary, breath_. "Can you watch the bookstore?"

Well, I was planning on savoring the last two weeks of summer vacation by sitting in my bedroom and doing absolutely nothing, but I guess I could postpone it. "Yeah I guess, sure…" I mumble to him, hoping he'll hear.

I stuff my earphones attached to my phone, my sketchpad, pencils, and wallet into a backpack and slowly descend down the stairs. Luke is standing near the door, looking impatient, while slowly tapping his foot up and down.

"Thanks…. this really helps a lot…. I'll see you later…." Luke says awkwardly, we don't really do this chitchat sort of thing.

I give him a two finger wave and head towards the back door when he calls me back, "Clary…. wait" he says impatiently, "do you remember the Lightwoods? They're your moth- my old friends." I know what he actually meant to say. "They're moving into the house across the street tomorrow." We live on a private road; it was just our ranch house and the Victorian home across the way. At first I thought it was kind of lonely, but now I wish it was only me. Luke continues, "I'm going to help them move in and afterwards I was going to invite them to dinner." He waits for my responds but receives silence instead. "So please be prepared, dress nicely, and have a smile on your face," he finished acutely and with that, he walks out the door.

I huff, dress nicely? I stare down at my worn out blue jeans and aged sneakers, I'm pretty sure I can exchange the sneakers for flats and that's a golden outfit for tomorrow night.

The Lightwoods. I rank through the name on my way to the coffee shop trying to come up with an idea. But nothing comes up as I pull into the brewery. The only distant memory I can remember is when my mother would talk about them. I believe she was close with their parents and they had kids around my age.

The brewery. It's a small coffee shop that I been going with my friends since forever. And now, I barely go. It's always crowded with people from my school and I always do my best to avoid them. But today, my body buzzes for caffeine. And the cheap stuff Luke always pays for looks like mud and taste like it too. I duck into the door, keeping my head low, ignoring the whispers that I come with.

Things like, "creepy crazy girl" and much worse like "disturbed bitch" which didn't even make sense since I never really talked to anyone.

I order a large black coffee, and wait huddled in the corner, staring at the ground, when someone calls my name, a familiar person. I frown and look up, meeting a face, Maia. She's sitting at a booth with Simon and her boyfriend Jordan. Maia waves me over. I guess I can't escape now.

I grab my coffee, now ready, and stroll over, pulling my hoodie down, and trying to put a semi-excited expression on my face.

"Hey" I say to them, not sure what else to say.

Maia grins, but I can tell it's forced. "Clary! Where have you been all summer?" I glance briefly around the table, getting a shy smile from Jordan and a blank expression from Simon.

"Just hanging around here." Leaving the details short.

Her smile fades, "Oh! We all should do something soon," I can tell she's trying to make an effort, "are you free now?" as soon as the words spill from her mouth, I see the panic look from Simon and even from Jordan. This whole 'us hanging' thing isn't going to happen. I know it, they know it. I'm surprised Maia even asked.

"Thanks for asking but I was just stopping by to get coffee before I have to watch Luke's bookstore for the day. " I take a few steps back, wanting to feel the fresh air against my face and get away from the noisiness of the people around me. "See you around." I mutter while basically running out of the brewery, I couldn't get out of there fast enough.

The fresh air hits me like a slap to my face. Why do I always do this? My emotions buddle up as soon as I get around others. Especially people I once cared, people I do care about.

When the accident occurred, I didn't want to be around others. I locked myself in my room for four days straight one time. I survived on bathroom sink water and power bars stuffed under my bed. Simon and Maia, my two best friends at the time, attempted to talk to me, comfort me. But I only lashed out. I pushed them away, and I didn't give it another thought.

And now I'm here. Unlocking the door to a small, dusty bookstore, wondering if I did the right thing. But at the end of the day, I always prefer to be alone. Blasting ear-bleeding music all day long while sketching whatever comes to mind. I did that most of the summer. That's how I spent my summer vacation, while everyone else was having the time of his or her lives.

I change the closed sign to open and leave the door slightly open, allowing the warm, crisp August air to flow through the shop. Then I pluck down on the chair behind the cash register, immediately spotting a small paperback book in the corner of the desk. I reach for it blindly, searching for the title of it. When I see the cover, I'm not sure if I should laugh or cry.

Oblivion.

Yep, that's the name of the book.

Why would Luke be reading something like that?

I flutter my eyes shut, while slowing tracing the title with my small, skinny fingers.

And then I let the darkness wash me away.

* * *

**So what do you think is happening with Clary?**

**Hmmmm...review me if you have any ideas!**

**I put another chapter up there to keep things going, since 'the golden boy' hasn't shown up yet! **

**Enjoy, review, tell me your thoughts! It would mean a lot. **


	2. The Golden Boy

**Here's where the story really starts. **

**Sorry for the first (intro chapter)**

**But I guess every story needs it. **

**All rights to Cassie Clare**

* * *

August 19th

I wake up to someone shaking me roughly.

I slowly peel my eyes open, they feel like they have been glued shut.

Above me is Luke. His eyes are blazing and he's pacing the room, muttering things I can't understand.

I sit up, rubbing my eyes, and then stretching my arms. That's when the room swims into focus, Luke is still pacing around, and I see the clock on my bedside table.

7:03 p.m.

I jump out of bed, running to cover myself with a robe. While Luke is mumbling something about that being the most movement he has seen from me in weeks, or something along those lines.

I must have fallen of asleep.

"Yes?" I cross my arms, wondering why he decided to wake me up. I probably could have slept through the night.

"YES?" he half shouts at me, throwing his arms up in the air. "The Lightwoods will be here any minute! Hurry up and get changed." He growls.

I sigh, the dinner with our new neighbors. I totally spaced. I frown, and am about to change when Luke calls back, "And please wear something your mother would be proud to see you in." his words could have cut glass, but his voice was soft.

He walks out without another word.

I lay back on my bed, his words slicing into me. Maybe I should try tonight for her. For my mother, I need to make her proud.

I haul my body up and reach for my pill bottle on my bedside table. I stare at the yellow vessel, which is occupied by multiple tiny white tablets. I sigh once again and pop two in my mouth, allowing the medication to dance on my tongue for a minute before letting it shoot down my throat.

Pills, Check

Dressing nicely? Now that was going to be a problem.

I ended up deciding on pair of white jeans, never worn before, and a simple purple blouse that brought out my emerald eyes.

I added a simple pair of white flats and even earrings to the attire. Now this was making an effort. Luke should be proud. My mother would be proud.

I tamed my wide, messy red curls with a few brushes and included a thin layer of mascara.

I looked at myself in the mirror. I looked like a complete stranger. I looked genuinely happy. My eyes shined brightly, my cheeks are flushed, and my hair sparkles in the light. This reminded of myself a few months ago.

And that immediately put a frown on my face.

Everything seems to-

Luke calling from downstairs cut off my mid-sentence rant, "They're here!"

I checked my reflection once more as if I was giving myself a boast of confidence and headed downstairs.

Luke and five other strangers welcomed me.

"Oh Clary!" an unfamiliar voice said to me, "Look how much you've grown!" A tall, bony woman with blue eyes and dark hair embraces me. "You look just like your mother." I freeze under her touch, I wasn't use to this hugging situation and I definitely wasn't fond of it.

"Don't scare her Maryse…" a low voice chuckles from behind her. Maryse lets me go and turns to the man.

"Sorry Clary," she gives me a sheepish smile, "I doubt you remember but we first met when you were around five."

I shake my head, not remembering ever meeting these strange people.

"As Robert just stated, I'm Maryse," she turns back to me, "this is my husband Robert," he steps forward to shake my hand.

I hesitant, these people were very…um…forward.

"Nice to meet you Mrs. and Mr. Lightwood." I give them a small smile and only then do I shake his hand.

"Please call us Maryse and Robert." She says with a nice smile. Okay all this smiling is starting to creep me out. I glance helplessly at Luke behind me, curious to why he's just standing there not saying anything.

Luke notices my cry for help and motions for the living room. "Why don't we sit down and get to know each other better."

And that's when I notice the three other teenagers in the room with me. The radiant girl stands out the most of all them. The first thing I observe about her is that she looks exactly like her mother, tall, slender, long, with shinny dark hair, but instead of blue eyes, she has dark ones. She's wearing a long blue and silver dress that shows her curves nicely. A burning feeling rolls into my stomach, something I rarely ever felt. Envy. She has tall, smooth legs while I'm standing here with petite, freckled ones.

I try my best to keep my facial expressions neutral as I move my eyes to the next person; he looks very similar to her. With a thin, wiry build and dark hair, he takes his mother's blue eyes instead of his fathers. His clothes are normal, definitely the opposite of his sister's, it's very clear that is trying to down play his looks.

And finally my eyes slide over to the last brother. He stands out in the family like a sunflower in a bed of weeds. He's taller than the rest of his siblings, but instead of the darker looks like the rest of his family. He's golden, like physically golden. His blonde, curly hair shines in the light, while he's long eyelashes cast shadows over his fair eyes. But what's most different about him than the rest is, that he's leaning against the side of the door, staring intensely at me. Almost like I just peed on the floor or something crazy like that. While his other siblings are casually standing with their parents, trying to look friendly and amiable.

Only when Maryse and Robert follow Luke in the living room do I tear my eyes away from the peculiar golden boy and head after them.

Luke distributed crackers and cheese to everyone, while I worked on getting drinks. I stare at the wall of kitchen, drinks? How in hell am I suppose to know what they like?

I bite my lip in frustration, while opening the fridge.

We have literally nothing in here. Our fridge consists of leftover take out boxes and sparkling water. I sigh and grab the water, and look around the kitchen to find Luke's sash of wine.

Red or white?

Again, how am I suppose to know what the Lightwoods prefer?

I groan and grab the red bottle, muttering something to myself about taking chances, and then I swing the living room door open.

Everyone is sitting down. And when I enter the room, six pairs of eyes fiercely stare at me. This is about the time where I drop the bottle and run up to my room and hide for the next week.

But no.

I promised my mother, and myself I would tough out this dinner for Luke. That's the least I could do for him.

I place the sparkling water and the wine onto the table, "I wasn't really sure if you preferred red or white wine so I just guessed, we have white if you would rather." I inform Maryse and Robert.

I see Maryse's mouth open about to response, but another voice beats her to it. "Actually I like white better, better luck next time."

Silence.

No laughter, not even a smile from a single person in this room. My cheeks flush in embarrassment, as I cut my attention over to source.

The golden boy.

And once again, he's staring right at me. What's his problem? Do I have something on my face or something? For the first time in over three months, I'm afraid of what someone else is thinking of me. Wait what? Did I just openly admit to that?

My thoughts were cut off when Maryse jumps in calmly, "You'll make to excuse Jace, and he has a different sense of humor than everyone else." She adds a little laugh to try to make things lighter, but it didn't work.

I'm still staring at golden boy, well I guess his name is Jace, because something about him is so _unsettling_. He reminds me of a lion, beautiful yet deadly at the same time. He has that sort of look in his eyes that makes me itch to grab my pencils and sketchpad.

"Clary?" I whip my attention back to Luke, who, I guess, has been calling my name.

"Yes?"

"We forget to introduce you to all the Lightwoods." He nods towards the teenagers around my age.

But instead of him continuing to speak, the girl, pipes up, "I'm Isabelle," she flashes me a brilliant smile, showing off her perfect set of white teeth. I hate her already.

"Alec…" says her brother that looks just like her; he smiles slightly at me while giving a tiny wave. Nervous probably.

"Jace Wayland." Says the last sibling. _Wayland?_ I thought their last name was Lightwood.

I guess Maryse could tell by my facial expression that I was puzzled because she explained that Jace is adopted. There's a shocker. He fits right it. *Cough* *cough*

I nod politely, displaying that I understand and wait for something to happen because right now this whole-dinner-party-being-a-breeze is NOT happening.

Thankfully that's when Luke calls us into dinner. Great, I can't wait to explore the past of Alec, Isabelle, and Jace….

Dinner is like excepted. Maryse talks most of the time about her family, where they use to live, how happy they are to be here, blah blah blah.

I wasn't really listening at all, just staring down at my pork roast and imaging that I was somewhere else. And thankfully they never really asked me any questions, just a simple yes and no ones that I was able to nail down easily.

And now I'm fixing a box of small cakes from the corner bakery, dreading what's coming next. Maryse had a BRILLANT idea that the adults would carry on their conversation at the dinner table while the kids would get to know each other!

Yay! I wish I had come up with the idea!

I groan, because once again, I'm put on food/drink duty. And I still have no idea what goes with mini frosted cakes. The Frays don't do this whole 'fancy dinner party thing' anymore.

I grab some milk and balance the cakes and a few glasses in the other hands while walking back over to the living room. Déjà vu much?

And as soon as I walk into the room, all their talking goes dead silent. Wonderful, I'm feeling right at home.

"So Clary," Isabelle starts the conversation, "I heard you do cheerleading, how's the team at St. Xavier?" she says with a boast of excitement.

St. Xavier? I didn't know they would be going to my same school. Well, I should have guessed since they lived across the street from us, but still, maybe I was hoping they'd go to private school or something along those lines.

I set the cakes and milk, adjusting them perfectly on the coffee table, "Um yeah, I was on the team, I haven't really practiced in awhile, so I'm not sure if I'll try out this year." I shrug, "But the team is very good, we made it to states last season." I add softly, not sure where this whole 'team spirit' is coming from. "Oh and Luke picked up these mini cakes from this bakery in town," I open the box, showing off eight small, water-mouthing pastries, "They're really good…. and I brought milk…. we don't really have anything else though…" I trail off not really sure what else to say.

Isabelle smiles, but it's Jace who replies, "You don't have much do you?"

Wait what? My facial expression twists into a confusion, irked visage, and "I don't believe I know what you're talking about." I answer acutely.

Jace leans back onto the sofa, as if it's his own, and throws his hands over his heads in relaxation, "Your house…is so…" he's rubbing his chin trying to come with the right word, "hollow, don't you ever decorate or clean around here?" I can see the smile playing on his lips, and I feel a burning urge to run over there and slap it right off.

"Jace!" Is the first word Alec the older brother exclaims in frustration.

I wave it off, "We don't really have the time," I clench my teeth, "Luke's at the bookstore basically all the time, and when he's not there that's where you'll find me."

I can feel the heat of Jace's stare but I keep my focus on Isabelle and Alec, and I keep my focus on remaining calm.

"Bookstore?" Isabelle asks, "He owns on in town?" I can tell she's trying to make an effort, and I like her for that.

"Yep, it's next to the brewery, the only coffee shop in town. You can't miss it. But it's pretty small so your eyes will usually go to the stores next to it first." I say glumly, remembering how my mother wanted to paint a beautiful sign for his store so it would catch customer's eyes. That was just before the accident.

Then I notice how no one has touched the cakes, so I reach for one blindly. Biting into the sweet, sugary combination of chocolate and raspberry. I smile slightly to myself as if I was sharing a secret.

"So what grades will you guys be going into?" I ask between mouthfuls.

"Alec's older so he'll be Senior this year. And Jace and I will be Juniors." Isabelle answers. Juniors, are you kidding me? "You'll be a Junior right Clary?"

I nod, keeping my face impartial, trying not to give away the amount of dread that's weighting on me right now. Why do they have to be in my grade? Why does HE have to be in my grade?

I bite down, believing I would be tasting another bit of cake when I bite down hard on my tongue. I bite my lip in frustration, while reaching for another small cake; it's a party right?

"Careful there little red, there might not be any left for anyone else," I snatch my hand back and look up to meet the beaming eyes of Jace. He's smirking slightly, enjoying all of this.

I clench my fists in anger and give him a stare that could have cut glass, "Is there another tactic you want to start using now? Because these remorseless jokes are kind of getting old." I snap at him.

"Actually I'm just getting started." A lazy smile plays on his lips.

I get to my feet, about to burst my bubble, when Isabelle joins me. "Clary, why don't you give me a tour of the house? I'd love to see it, this whole ranch style is so chic!" she spins me around, but not without giving Jace a poisoned look.

I stomp to the porch, craving to feel the fresh air on my face. Inside, I'm feeling suffocated and one more minute in there, it might happen.

I think I should tell Luke that the pills aren't working anymore. I never told him about the bookstore incident, because the truth was I was fine. I woke up a little bit later on the hardwood floor, staring up at the rafters. I didn't freak out or anything, because it happens too often for that.

I lean against the railing, sticking my head out towards the grass, attempting to keep my heartbeat calm.

"Clary, I'm sorry about Jace" Isabelle begins; I think she believes this whole thing was a sign that he was getting under my skin. She didn't know half the story. "He get's…. unfriendly when he comes to strangers." She adds.

I shrug. "I get it, I'm use to it."

"What do you mean?" she asks curiously.

"Oh it's nothing," I add quickly, "I'm just use to people acting hostile like that…it's a small town."

"Oh. Well Alec and I would never do that. I just think it's because we were raised differently."

I give her a confusion glance, "Raised differently? I thought you adopted him?"

"Yes but we did when he was about 10 years old. He lived with his father up to then." She lowers her voice, "I'm not sure how he raised him but it wasn't all bells and whistles."

I frown; maybe I shouldn't have judged him before I knew his whole story. "What happened to his father…if you don't mind me asking."

Isabelle cuts me a sad glance, "He was murdered, right in front of Jace's eyes."

My voice sinks to a whisper, "Oh." What else could I say? Change the topic? "Isabelle…"

She turns towards me, "If you never need someone to show you around town or introduce you to some people, I'm right across the street." I give her a small smile.

Isabelle's smile shinned so brightly; I almost needed sunglasses, "Thanks Clary, that would be great!"

She reaches down to hug me (again the whole problem with being short) and this time I don't freeze under her touch. This time something is different; it felt like it is an open window for new beginnings, for new changes.

That's when something caught my eyes, a flash of gold movement, as if that thing/person was trying to get away from their hiding spot.

Gold? The more I think about it, the more I realize how similar Jace's eyes and that gold movement looked to me. My only question is though, why is he eavesdropping?

* * *

**Yayaya Jace is in the picture now! **

**We can all breathe again!**

**Don't forget to review, new writer and I want all your thoughts! **

**The more reviews, the quicker I'll put up the next chapter! **


	3. Fainting Spells

**Hellooooo **

**Have the next chapter for ya! Super quick update~ **

**It's longer too...**

**Tell me what ya think**

* * *

_Jace_

August 22th

"Jace! JACE!" I roll over, out of my bed, to find the source of the screaming. I swing open my bedroom door to find Isabelle standing in the doorway holding two items in her hands.

"Finally! God are you deaf or something?" she pushes pass me into my room.

"Come on in," I mutter under my breath. My head is pounding; it literally feels like someone is striking a hammer to my forehead a million times per minute.

"The gold or the silver ones?" She asks.

"What?" I rub my eyes and turn towards her, and that's when I realize she's holding two pairs of earrings. But I don't understand, why the hell she would ask me about that sort of thing.

"Which would look better with my outfit? The gold hoops or the silver discs?" she adds as if I didn't even speak.

That's when I absorb my sister's outfit, a purple and black floral dress with matching silver shoes. Why was she so dressed up? It's still the summer and it's not like we have people banging on our doors inviting us to parties, yet.

"Where are you going anyways?" I flop down on my bed, still sleepy.

Isabelle crosses her arms and gives me an annoyed expression as if I should have known this already, "I told you! I'm going out with Clary today."

_Clary_. How could I forget? She did tell me about this. Something about the mysterious redhead across the street intrigued me.

Something about her is so _rattling_, even I can't explain it.

The second I laid my eyes on her, I knew she is different. So unlike the other slutty girls at my old school who craved to get my attention, who literally would fight to even get talk to me.

And then there is Clary. Her eyes would room the room lazily, as if she is in her own world, not even caring or noticing you're in the room with her.

She doesn't care about me, she doesn't care to get my attention. And it's driving me utterly insane.

"Hello…Jace?" Isabelle calls, vexed. "Help?"

She's still on the useless topic of those earrings, "the silver ones." I tell her, without even looking at her.

Isabelle cheers, "Yay! That's what I was thinking! They match my shoes!"

I moan, why did I have to deal with this, this early in the morning? "Why didn't you just ask Alec or Max?" Max is another one our younger siblings. He didn't go the dinner because Maryse claimed he was too young. I feel bad for that kid most of the time. He always get's told he's too young for everything.

"Because Max is with Mom at the comic book store," He's obsessed with comics, "And Alec is-"

She is cut off by the sharp sound of the doorbell.

"Oh crap!" Isabelle exclaims, "She's here already, I'm not even close to ready." She frowns as she runs across my room to the door. "Jace please answer the door." Isabelle walks out the door and then turns back for a spilt second. "And try to be nice…"

I smile, even though she can't see it. "Me? Always." I call back to her, as I get up to answer the door.

_Clary_

The shinny glass reflects a blurry picture of myself. All I can see is a mane of red hair and a set of green eyes; every other feature on my visage is gone.

I use to adore my red hair and green eyes; "you look just like your mother," they would all say. And now every time I look in the mirror, it's like a punch to my gut. Why do I have to look so much her? It sometimes haunts me in my nightmares.

I think I see my mother, her beautiful sharp, and porcelain features shine in the moonlight. But once I get closer to her in the dream, I realize it's only an illusion. I'm staring at myself.

And then I wake up.

It happens all the time, I told Luke about the strange nightmares one time and he just said it was a side effect of the pills and not to worry about it.

But he didn't realize it is tearing me apart.

I can see it in him all the time too, the miserable glances he sometimes gives me. And it's not because I do something wrong, it's because I resemble _her_ so much.

And it's tearing him apart as well.

I vowed to myself the second I graduate high school and I'm eighteen, I would get the hell out of Brooklyn. It would be better for Luke and for me.

I catch a tear daring to escape and close my eyes for a few seconds.

_Focus Clary, focus_. Think about the future, not about the past.

When I open my eyes, I flicker them over to the clock, crap. I was going to be late if I didn't start to get ready now.

Yes, Clary Fray is trying to look nice again! Has the World gone mad?

I throw on a pair of dark blue jeans and a light charcoal sweater, with a pair of vans.

The whole purple-white-light-color outfit yesterday wasn't me. Isabelle and the rest of the Lightwoods would soon figure that out.

While grabbing a handbag and my phone, I scribbled a note to Luke telling him where I will be incase he came home from the bookstore early. I doubt it though, it seems he's been spending a lot more time there lately.

I swing open the door and I'm about to walk out when I remember them.

My pills.

I'm supposed to take them twice a day, in the morning and before I go to bed.

But I guess one day without them won't hurt right?

I carry on, completely ignoring the alarm in the back of my head, by walking towards the Lightwood's house.

I'll just have to ensure I eat a good lunch to keep my blood sugar high. Then everything will be fine, correct?

I fidget with my sweater line once I reach their house. Butterflies dance in my stomach as I ring the doorbell. I'm still not so sure why this family makes me so nervous. Maybe because they're the first teenagers my age I've really talked to in a few months. Or maybe it's because of something else….

Of course, Jace has to answer the door. He's dressed in a smug smile and as soon as he sees me, his eyes run lazily all over me. It makes me feel naked, and uncovered. I cross my arms over my chest as if I could hide that.

He leans on the doorway, blocking my way to get inside the house, "And what do we have here?"

"I'm here to see Isabelle." I say shortly.

He whips his head back and forth, almost like he is searching for something. "Well I don't see Isabelle around here," he returns his eyes back to me.

I let out a long breath; I wasn't in the mood to deal with this. "Could you fetch her for me then?" I ask him as politely as I could have.

"I don't know," he stretches his arms above his head and lets out a yawn, "I'm getting pretty tired just standing here talking to you."

I shake my head, "Whatever Jace," I unfreeze and walk over to the door, about to walk over his legs.

But then he's there. He moved faster than anyone I've ever seen before, and he's blocking my path to get inside their house. I tilt my head up, to look at him, and he's already staring down at me. His golden eyes shinning as well as his smile.

"Maybe you should move a little faster next time, little red."

I bite my lip, in exasperation, tasting blood. What is it about him that ticks me off so much? I just couldn't wrap my mind around it.

"My name is NOT little red." I shoot back at him, unable to come up with a better comeback.

Just when he's about to respond, I hear the shuffle of feet behind me. And the silhouette of Isabelle appears right behind Jace.

"Clary!" her bubbly voice speaks, "Sorry I'm late, but let's go!" She knocks Jace out of the way and grabs me by the elbow to lead me out of the house.

Isabelle's chatting about something but I'm not really paying attention. I can't help but think about Jace, the way it looks like there is a golden halo directly over him, and the way he looks at me, with a hint of wonder and curiosity.

And I can't help but look back at the house while Isabelle is pulling me away.

There he still is. Standing in the doorway, his eyes set on me.

Isabelle's car smells very strongly of vanilla perfume.

The second I stepped foot into her black Lexus, I had to cover my mouth to stop the urge to cough.

Her car was surprise dirty though. The floor of the car is covered in sports bar packages and all her cup holders are filled with empty Starbucks cup that have mold crawling up the sides of most of them. I now understand why she added the vanilla scent.

The car ride was chill. Isabelle chitchatted about random things, like her old school, and her expectations of St. Xaviers. While a Miley Cyrus mix played loudly in the background.

It felt normal. For once in awhile, I felt calm.

I took her to the brewery first.

I knew I would probably regret this later, but it would be good for her to be introduced to the number one hang out spot in town.

And I'm right, like usual.

It's completely crowded, I can see people sitting against the wall in the corner because they can't find any seats. There goes my plan on sitting down and striking up a conversation with people from school.

It's like the movies, I'm not even joking. I lead Isabelle to the counter, and people literally turn their heads to look at her, like she's some sort of God or something. It's pathetic, teenager hormones are crazy these days I guess. I can't relate though.

She flashes a few people smiles, and I groan and take her by the wrist until we each order. It feels like I'm the owner and she's my dog, I'm keeping her on a tight leash to ensure she doesn't run away. It's pretty surreal if you think about it.

We order, for me a black coffee and for her a vanilla latte. I'm sniffing a vanilla pattern among her.

"Hey, I want you to meet some people." I tell her, eyeing a familiar group of 'friends' in the back corner of the café.

I lead Isabelle to the booth, myself in the front of course until I'm standing directly next to Maia, Jordan, and Simon.

Seeing them laughing and talking, without me, sending a shiver of regret down my spine. I use to be sitting right next to them, only a few months ago, laughing at the same ignorant joke from Simon.

And now I'm on the other side of the glass, looking in. A part of wishing I could still be there with them and the other part of me, screaming, telling myself it's better for them. That it's better for me this way.

They all turn towards me, their faces a mask of surprised and…. worry? Unhappiness? I can't tell.

But as quickly as they looked at me, they all slide their eyes over to Isabelle. Why am I surprised?

"Clary, how are you?" Maia is the first one to break the tension. I can tell I'm not the only one who feels the dead weight of the air between all of us.

"I'm fine," I flick my eyes over to Isabelle, who looks a little awkward, not knowing these people, "I wanted to introduce to you to my…friend…Isabelle." I step back so Isabelle can be fully in the picture. "She just moved across the street from me into the old Victorian house." Knowing they all understood exactly what I'm inferring too. "She'll be in our grade this year."

Isabelle shines them one of her award winning smiles, "It's so nice to meet you all."

Maia returns her smile, "Likewise, I'm Maia." She nudges Jordan, "This is my boyfriend Jordan." He gives her a small wave; let's just say Jordan isn't the friendliest guy on the planet.

Then we all turn towards Simon. _Simon._ My heart sinks, at just the thought of his name. "Simon." He says shortly, his face his bright red, almost like he's flushed. And he's picking at his coffee cup, trying to not look at Isabelle.

_Am I missing something?_

"Isabelle, Clary, do you want to stay for a few? We can catch up and get to know each other." Maia says, why does she have to be so god damn nice?

I'm about to decline when Isabelle is already sliding into the booth next to Simon, saying how we'll love too.

I fight the urge to roll my eyes and squish into the booth with Isabelle.

The first few minutes is probably the most uncomfortable experience of my life.

Simon, who I swear was gay for the first 12 years of my life, is staring at Isabelle with an open mouth like he's in some sort of trance. I can even see some drool falling out of his mouth, it's pretty pathetic.

While Maia has her fake smile on her face trying to seem like we're all five peas in a pod. And Jordan is just, well, sitting there doing honestly nothing, just gazing out into space.

I really want to crawl into my cave, aka my bedroom, and pretend this never happened.

My stomach feels like its on fire, a strong rolling, burning sensation, and I'm not sure if it's from the nerves or because I didn't take my pills this morning.

Maybe I was wrong. I should have taken them.

I still remember the time, two years, when I didn't take my medication for four days. My classmates were driving me crazy, telling me I was the freak that took pills, that always passed out, that….

_FLASHBACK_

I kept my head low, even though I knew it wouldn't block out the whispers, the rumors, or the sensations.

My head spun, stars whirled in my vision, but I kept telling myself to stay strong and to stay awake.

Simon rubbed my shoulders gently, telling me comforting words softly, but they were blocked out by the screams and cruel whispers swirling around me.

'_Why don't you just die already?'_

'_Maybe if you try harder, you'll pass out'_

'_I need some drugs, hit me up?'_

Simon kept telling me to ignore them, they were just jealous.

Jealous, of what? I'm just the messed up art freak who needs to pop pills in her mouth twice a day in order to keep breathing. It's pathetic, I'm pathetic.

And then it was all too much.

I could hear the laughing and bickering of the others as my legs started to give out. I could feel my blood pressure starting to slow down and finally I could feel my heart beat slowing to a soft _thump thump._

Apparently, I heard this afterwards, that I fell to the side. Which was why Simon was unable to catch me before I hit the cold, stone floor.

Usually when that happens, I would wake up a few minutes later. Even shorter than that.

But this time it was different.

It didn't wake up until two and half hours later.

They said it was because I hit my head on the way done.

And that I was lucky, and I that I should be relieved.

But I wasn't.

When I hit the ground and everything turned black.

It was the place where everything finally stopped.

And I was genuinely happy, that was what scared me the most.

"Clary?"

I jerk up, hitting my coffee mug, tilting the white cup, allowing the piping hot liquid to spill over the edge.

I curse silently under my breath as I reach over Isabelle to get a napkin to clean it up.

"You've always been clumsy," Maia adds with the right amount of sadness in her voice. She's reflecting on the old times, memories no one has the strength to uncover. "Here," she passes me a few more napkins.

I give her a soft thanks while using the brown cloth to absorb the dark liquid.

"So…" Isabelle begins, "How long have you've known each other?"

A few silent beats pass by without an answer, so I summon up the guts to reply, "Well I've known Simon since… well kindergarten? Yeah I believe so."

And I'm about to continue when Simon speaks, for the second time this entire day that I've been around, "Preschool." His voice is muffled into his coffee mug.

_Preschool_. I guess he's right. We go way back.

"Wow, you guys go way back." Isabelle takes my words out of my mouth.

"Yeah, and Maia moved him in 7th grade and Jordan in 9th." I finish, keeping the topic vague.

Isabelle nods and then I notice Maia's entire face lights up like a Christmas tree. "OH MY GOD! Do you remember that time…" and then she launches into the story when she first came to town and she was just a small, innocent farm chick who was obsessed with the color yellow.

I can see Jordan laughing with her and even Simon cracking a smile once or twice along the way.

And then it hits me.

This isn't how it should be.

I shouldn't be here with Isabelle trying to make peace with these people, who anyone person with common sense, could tell we're not friends anymore.

And then it's there again.

The feeling of having all your oxygen ripped out from under you. Simple as ripping the blankets from a bed.

I clutch my stomach, taking large gulps in and out.

_In and out. _

_In and out. _

Black stars sway into my vision, blocking my eyesight of the café.

It's happening again.

No, it's can't, I tell myself. Not here, not now.

I rest my head on the booth table, clenching my fists so intensely that my knuckles turn white.

"Clary? Clary? Are you okay?" a worried voice calls to me.

I shake my head viciously, no I'm not okay can't you see?

I wanted to scream that to them, to all of them. But that wouldn't change it, it wouldn't help anything.

A hand rests on my shoulder, while someone is still calling my name. But that's a daze now.

I get up and lean against the booth to keep from falling down.

"Um, I'm not feeling great, I ate bad fish last night. Maybe food poisoning." Lie. "Rain check Isabelle?" I tell her, and without waiting for a response, I stagger towards the door of the brewery.

_To get away. _

I hear Isabelle calling at me, something about needing a ride home, but I ignore her.

I can't take this.

I can't take any of this anymore.

And then I'm out of the brewery, don't ask me how.

And I'm walking, somewhere, somehow.

Don't know where, I don't honestly care.

Minutes pass by, maybe hours. I can't tell the difference.

I reach Nook's Alley, that what I call it. It's literally a tiny alcove in the middle of two stores. No one ever notices it. It's the perfect hiding spot.

Sometimes when I would get in huge fights with my mom, this is where I would hide.

_To get away. _

And now it all feels like a joke.

I slide down the wall of nook, burying my head into my hands.

Allowing my dreams to whisk me away.

* * *

**Do you honestly believe those are dreams that are *quote on quote* whisking her away?**

**I don't know (haha I do) but tell me if you think they're dreams or not...**

**Review! **

**Tell me your thoughts~**

**I thought I would get more by now...so I want to heard what you think before I post again...**

**QOTD: Who do you ship most in TMI?**

**Me? I think you can tell by the story ;)**


	4. Nimbus

**Yes! Another update~ **

**Guesssss what**

**The first (of many) alone clace time **

**hint hint nudge nudge**

* * *

Clary

August 23nd

_A frozen lake stands below me. _

_I stare down and see nothing but my reflection. _

_It's just another dream, I attempt to say aloud, but nothing but a puff of white air escapes my mouth. _

_That's when I realize how cold it is here. My arms and legs are caked in goose bumps and my hands are rattling back and forth, in utter frost. _

_I take a step forward, my eyes still glued to myself, to the pond. But my steps are slow, my body is now shaking, my teeth are chattering and I can feel the ice shooting up and down myself. _

_It's like the air is bitter. It's daring me to breath its toxic atmosphere just so it watch me shut down. _

_And I can feel myself start to unwind. _

_I can't feel my feet anymore, or my hands. Maybe this is what's it's like to die of frostbite. _

_It's not so bad. Or maybe I'm just telling that to myself to keep from breaking down. _

_I'm about to lie down on the ice and wait for this illusion to end when I see something. _

_Or maybe it's a someone. _

_I lift my frozen face and see in the distance what looks like a halo. _

_The ring of light is burning so brightly that even from this far away, I can't look for too long without it blinding me. _

_I dare to walk forward towards the light, but my limps are so cold, I can barely move them. _

_But I won't give up. _

_This nimbus might just be my way out. _

_I keep trying but I can't move anymore. It's the end. _

_I look up, once more, as if this is my final sight of the golden ring, to find it only a few feet away from me. _

_And that's when I realize the halo isn't really halo. _

_It's a person. _

_I watch them in complete astonishment as they turn towards me. _

_I have the urge to cover my eyes with my hand but I can't move. I can't breathe. _

_It's a familiar person. _

_Jace. _

_And then the pond and this world shatters around me_.

I'm being violently shaken awake.

I sit up, taking my head out of my hands and my forehead collides with another.

"Ouch!" a manly voice calls.

I blink a few times and the world floats into existence.

I'm still in Nook's Alley but I notice it's nightfall.

The stars are in the sky (instead of my vision) and it's nice to feel the cool, crispy August air on my face.

"Clary! What the hell are you doing here?"

That's when I notice the other person squished into the nook, Jace. His legs are pressed against mine, but the difference is he's standing up.

A flush creeps onto my face, I wasn't use to this close contact with the opposite sex, and I'm thankful that darkness of the sky hides the details of my visage.

"Jace…" my voice sounding sluggish. "Why are you here?"

He throws his hands up into the air in frustration, "WHY AM I HERE? Have you been here the entire time?" his voice on the level of anger.

I rub my head, searching for answers, "Yeah I think so. I'm only been asleep for a few hours though, why are you so upset?"

He drops his hands to his side and gives me a strange look as if I have three heads. "What on EARTH are you talking about? You've been missing for over a day and a half and now you're acting like it's nothing?"

That's what caught my attention, my head snapped forward and I locked my eyes with his, searching to see if he's lying.

"A day and a half?" my voice full of disbelief, "I was just at the brewery with Isabelle and then I ran over here…." I trail off not sure what else to say.

Jace now fully looks at me, his eyes crammed with concern. "Clary, that was yesterday morning."

Yesterday? No, that's not possible. I was only dreaming, I couldn't of been asleep for a day! Could I?

"What no…that's no possible…I was only taking a nap…" I didn't even believe myself.

Jace walks to the side of me and crouches down, "Hey, it's okay." His voice was soft, gentle. "Let's get you to your feet."

He reaches down to help me up, but I wave him away.

I wasn't a charity case, I didn't need help.

I stand up, fully leaning on the wall for support. I feel lightheaded, my head is spinning, and my stomach is full of nausea.

It's been three days since I've taken my pills; this is not a good sign.

"Clary, are you okay? You don't look so good." He remarks.

"Well most girls on their deathbeds don't usually look their best but THANKS for your concern." I shoot back, my voice dripping in venom.

I'm excepting Jace to walk away or leave me alone, but he stays. He doesn't even look like he cared about what I just said to him.

Why am I keep thinking of Jace when I'm on the verge of falling off the edge again?

My head falls back against the wall, my shoulders slump against the nook, and I can feel myself sliding down the side but I can't control myself, I can't fight it.

"Clary!" Jace races over, his eyes dance around me, he's not sure what to do, I can tell. Then he makes a low groan sort of sound in the back of voice before swinging me up into his arms.

And now Jace Wayland is carrying me.

Where has the World gone too?

He's pacing slowly back in forth in the Nook, careful not to slam my dangled feet or head from striking the sides. And he's talking to himself, mumbling things I don't have then energy to understand.

I lean my head against his chest, feeling the rapid beat of his heart, "Jace," I mumble to him, hoping he'll hear.

Thankfully he does, he stops in his tracks, and looks down at me, "Oh little red what am I going to do with you?" his words are unkind, but his tone of voice is tender.

I attempt to shake my head, but my mind is so clogged that the function does not come out right. I only, slowly, hit his chest back and forth a few times. "Please," I plead, "Don't take me back to Luke."

His eyes stay glued on me, and he knits his eyebrows together, confused. "Clary," his voice serious, "What do you want me to do then? Take you to a hospital? Leave you here?"

In some part of my mind, I knew he's right. But I can't go back, not yet.

The last time I stopped taking my medication, my mother and Luke made me promise that I would never do that again.

I broke my promise.

Also they said if I broke it, there would be consequences.

I didn't want to turn into a rehab girl.

Or a hospital freak.

I couldn't, I don't know how much I can handle.

I sigh, and my eyes fall shut, the darkness welcomes me, "But Luke…"

Jace cuts me off, "Is freaking out about you. He called the police and you've been declared a missing person," his voice sounds tired, "I'm sorry Clary, I have to take you back."

The walk home is silent.

Jace holds me tight and I don't know why, but it's reassuring. I somehow feel safe in his arms, like he'll catch me if I fall.

Quicker than I thought we'd get there, we're walking down our street.

I can see the blue and red lights flashing in the distance. An icy feeling spreads across my back, this isn't going to pretty.

I gulp down, claiming that I'm the one who did this to myself and I must accept the repercussions. But still, I don't know why I'm so afraid. I'm so worried about what they'll do to me. What Luke will do to me.

"Clary," Jace interrupts my thoughts, "I'm going to have to give them to you now okay?"

My head is spinning in a million different directions and it reminds me of those spinning teacup rides at amusement parks. You're in a life size teacup and you're whirling around and around and around. And at the end of the ride, you have the urge to puck all over your seat. That's me right now.

He doesn't wait for me to reply, "I have her!" he shouts as he nears my house. I hear several people turn and start to run towards me. I can't see anything, I don't dare too, and I keep my eyes close because the darkness is my peace.

"Jace," I call out one last time, "Please don't leave me."

I can feel the heat of his stare, not sure if that's a good or bad sign, as someone pulls me out of his arms.

The shouting and the noise are just way too much.

I drop my head back and slowly allow the noise to fade into a nothing.

August 24th

I don't remember much of last night.

Just how right after someone took me out of Jace's arms, they shoved some of my pills down my throat. They tilted my head back to get the medication down.

I could hear Jace shouting in the near distance about what they were doing, and it reminded me that he didn't leave me.

The though of that, sped my heartbeat a little faster. Even though I was on the edge of unconscious last night, I could still feel his strong arms on my bare legs, and how close and secure he held me. The thought sent shivers down my back.

It was unconfortumting but of course, like most things in my miserable life, they only lasted for a specific amount of time.

I knew Jace's accusations against Luke (the whole why are you giving her pills things) could lead to something. So some part of myself knew that Luke was going to tell Jace and probably the other Lightwoods about my…condition.

And now I felt sick to my stomach.

I thought for once, I could be just _Clary_ to them, and not the girl across the street that has a disorder.

Well, why have happiness right?

August 26th

I have been in bed for a few days now.

It's not so bad.

Even so often Luke comes and checks on me, seeing how I'm doing, basically checking to see if I'm still breathing.

Sometimes I wonder what would happen if I stopped breathing. What he'd do, if he would grief or if he would be relieved to get rid of me.

It's a toss up.

I roll onto my back and slowly unpeel my eyes.

It's almost dinnertime.

I knew I couldn't avoid this forever.

Luke is going to come in sooner or later to have 'the talk' (not _that_ talk) about my behavior issues and how they need to be fixed.

My opinion on the matter, even though I don't get a vote in this situation, is to keep everything the way it is.

My lesson is learned.

Always take my pills.

Don't forget to take my pills.

I think I got this.

August 27th

The dread hour is a night.

Luke is sitting, carefully, on the side of my bed. I'm sitting up, for the first time in days, waiting for him to say something.

But silence is all that comes out.

I bite my lip, nerves tingling throughout my arms and legs of what this conversation will lead too.

"Um, are we going to talk about something or…." I ask, trailing off in mid sentence.

He clears his throat, finally, "Clary, this is hard for me." That's when I really look at him; I notice the large bags under his eyes and how his eyes are bloodshot. "What you did, was foolish and it scared me. And I can't have you be impulsive and do it again."

I nod my head, taking in his words, "Yeah I know, but you still don't get that I thought I was just taking a nap-"

He jumps in, "That's not possible." His voice is calm, I can tell he's trying to not loose his temper, "You could not have lied down for a nap and woke up a day and a half later without realizing it."

This time I shake my head, "I know it seems insane but it's true."

He lets out a long sigh, "Okay then Clary. That's in the past now. We need to think about the future. I talked to Doctor Wix and he's happy to have you for a little while." He pauses and waits for my response.

My stomach drops, no. Luke couldn't do this to me; I can't go back there. I shake my violently, until the room starts to spin and I must stop, "No." I say flat out, "I am NOT going back there."

Luke gives me kind eyes, "It would be only for a few weeks. We would delay your start of school, and he says he has someone in his office who can tutor so you won't get behind."

I grit my teeth, "Over. My. Dead. Body."

His mouth opens in a small gasp of horror, maybe I've gone too far this time. But I honestly don't care. It feels like my body is full of liquid fire, and its waiting to explode, to take vengeance on anyone around here.

I clench my fists when he starts to speak again, "You don't leave until the September 1st , so you have so time to consider your opinions."

And with that, he get's up and leaves my bedroom, shutting the door firmly behind him.

_Opinions?_ I don't remember when he gave me two choices and I had the free will to decide which one. I live in a free country, shouldn't I get too choose?

I roll out of bed and sit onto my window still.

I can see the faint lights inside the Lightwoods house, but I can't see what they're doing inside.

I swear a silent vow to myself that I would find a way to stay.

Not only for me, but also for new beginnings.

Then I can't help but cast one final look at the Victorian house across the street, curious to what my golden boy is thinking.

* * *

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	5. My Little Red

**Yaya! **

**You finalllyyy get to find out what's up with Clary...**

**Get excited~ **

**Hope you enjoy, **

**Sorry it's on the shorter side, **

* * *

Jace

August 23nd

"_Jace," She calls out one final time, "Please don't leave me." _

And then Clary is ripped out of my hands by Luke, a doctor and a few police officers are whirling by me, checking on her, trying to see if she's okay.

But it all feels like a blur.

She doesn't want me to leave; she cares enough about me to wish for I to stay.

Her words haunt me.

I'm not entirely sure if that's a good or bad thing.

I spend the last four days believing she hated me. I didn't know how she could, since I barely knew her.

But as if the second she I spoke, she judged me. Said I was this horrid young man, I could see it in her eyes and I can see it in the way she spoke to me.

Then tonight is different.

As if in one blink of the eye to the next, her vision of me is completely changed, and wiped away. To something new, maybe something more advantageous.

I knew I would to stay with her, to explore what this new beginning could lead too.

And I fought to stay at her side, long enough to see Luke shove four large, white pills down her throat. He tilts her head back roughly, causing her to sallow them down.

Clary stays still in his arms, if it wasn't for her vibrant rose lips and the color of her skin, I would have thought she was dead.

I quickly shake the dreadful thought away and call her name, once, twice, and even a third time.

Nothing. My heart falls a little bit, she can't hear me, and she doesn't want to hear me.

Luke's eyes fall on me, he's telling me to go away, that's he's got it from here.

Not in his dreams, I want to shout. But instead I shake my head, asking him what the hell those pills are for.

Luke closes his eyes, he's tired, and it's easy to tell, "Jace," he shouts over the bickering of the others, "Let's talk about this later."

I cross my arms over my chest, "Not a chance." I say firmly, not moving an inch.

Police officers come up to me, asking me questions about 'the missing person' but I wave them again. That's not important.

Only she is, Clary.

"Fine," Luke continues, snuggling her close to him, "Wait until everyone clears out and I put her to sleep and we'll talk."

He walks away, to their ranch house before I can even reply.

But it doesn't matter; I'll wait, even if I'll take all night.

I wait until all the police officers and doctors leave the street.

I wait until the lights across the street (my house) are completely off.

And I wait until all the stars disappear from the night sky.

I feel a tap gently on my right shoulder.

It wakes me up from, I'm still no entirely sure if I dozed off or not.

It's Luke.

He sits a fair distance away from me on the porch steps; he is slumped over, his glasses on the rim of his nose.

He clears his throat, "I'm surprised you're still here."

I turn towards him completely, resting my elbow on my leg, "Of course I stayed." I state like it's the most oblivious answer in the entire world.

He shakes his head, something that sounds like a tired laugh escapes from his throat, "Well what do you want to know?"

"Everything." I answer quickly.

He sighs, "I need you to be a little bit more specific Jace."

"Fine," I give up, "What happened to her?" I say softly, "She seemed she was on the verge of unconscious and reality for awhile. It looked like she was in so much pain." It kills me to need of her suffering, which logically, doesn't make any sense because I barely know her.

He begins, "Clary was diagnosed with syncope disease when she was four years old. Even since she was little, she's been having seizures and fainting often…"

Syncope? I believe I've heard of that. Maybe one of my distance cousins has it or something like that. But I'm pretty sure…

I cut him off, "I'm pretty sure syncope is just fainting or seizures due to heat exhaustion or low blood sugar. Clary said she sat down for a nap and 'feel asleep' for a day and a half." I place air quotes around feel asleep, "That does not add up."

He nods, "I know, I've taken her to multiple doctors and they said she has severe syncope," his closes his eyes for a brief second, "but they say it's also due to psychological affects."

I cut him a confused look, "Mental affects? What do you mean by that?"

Luke looks up at the dark sky, almost as if he's praying or searching for someone up there, "She's had a rogue past Jace, with her father leaving, and now with her mother passing on." His voice drops. "They say when she's having a hard time, her mind will mentally shut off. Almost like it's telling her she can't take the pain anymore. I've been to over fifteen doctors and they said they've never seen anything like this."

Shut off?

When Clary can't take it anymore, she's shuts it off? That makes absolutely no sense.

But that's not what pains me the most; Luke says she had a rogue past. What does that even mean? Has the world been cruel to my little red?

I pull my legs close to my head, this is just too much too take in.

I clench my teeth to fight the urge to run up to her bedroom and to soothe, to tell her I'm taking all the pain away. Even though, I know I can't do anything about it.

"What about the pills?" I eventually ask him, needing to find out more.

He takes off his glasses and uses his plaid shirt to clean its lenses, "It's her medication. Without it, she would have fainting spells probably every day. The pills keep her…in line."

I have the longing to punch Luke in the face.

_In line?_ He's talking about Clary like she's sort of pet. A dog you must place a choke collar on so that they don't run away.

I let it pass, this one time, "Then why did this happen?" I ask.

He shakes his head, "I don't know. She must have stopped taking them again. That's the only answer."

"Again?" I ask his immediately. "Has this happened before?"

Luke stands up, "It's late Jace, and you should head to bed."

He walks over to his front door, but I stop him.

"Has this happened before?" I repeat.

He stares at me, concern caking his face. "Clary's past is hers to tell. If you want to know, ask her yourself."

And with that, he slams the door into my face.

August 25th

I have been watching Clary's house for a day now. Hoping I'll see her little red head pop out in the window or even see her exit her house.

Okay, I know that shows a little bit on the creeper level, but I'm just watching out for her.

She told me not to leave her and I'm just keeping that promise.

There's nothing wrong with being a good friend.

_Friend_.

Yep that's all I want to be with Clary Fray.

_Friends. _

August 27th

Now I think I'm going a little bit insane.

It's been five days since the incident and there's been no movement from the ranch house.

I haven't left my room at all, except for bathroom breaks and to get food. I don't know what's happening to me.

I'm hung up on a girl I don't even know. It's a little bit-

"Jace!" A knock, more like a pounding, comes from my door. "Jace! I know you're in there!"

Alec.

Urgh, I crawl out of bed and rip the door open.

He's standing in the doorway looking chagrined. He has his hand raking through his hair, and another one leaning against my doorway.

"Well you look horrible." I tell him, turning around to going back to my bedroom, leaving my bedroom door wide open.

"I could say the same thing about you." He replies coolly.

I flop down onto my bed, covering my face with the back of hand, "What do you want Alec? I'm not really in the mood right now."

I hear him cursing silently about who knows what while walking towards my bed, "You need to talk to Izzy."

"About…" I ask, not sure where he is going with this.

He groans and sits on the side of my bed, "Jace, focus man, this is serious."

What is this about?

I get up, backing against the bed board. "Continue."

"She's blaming herself for what happened with Clary, she hasn't left her bedroom in like four days."

Why would she blame herself, she had nothing to do with it? I ask Alec just that.

"I don't know, something about giving her a ride home." He rubs his forehead in agony, "Please just talk to her, you might be the only one she'll listen too."

Now I'm the one that groans. This isn't what I need right now.

"Okay, okay I will…."

I don't bother to knock.

I can feel the blasting music of Miley Cyrus from her room. Even if I knocked, she wouldn't hear it.

Izzy is lying face down on her California King bed.

Her clothes are scattered all around the room, on the floor, on her bed, and even some hanging from her chandelier.

I walk over to her stereo, she doesn't even notice me, and turn it off. Even when the pop ballad ends, my ears are still thumping as if it never ended. I don't know how she listens to that crap.

She moans and rolls over to her side, still not bothering to look that has come into her bedroom.

"Iz," I call to her. "Come on, get up ya lazy bum." Hoping my harsh-ish words might motivate her.

But all I get is another moan.

I push at her legs, hoping she'll move. But again, a negative.

That's when I notice, the curtains covering the light from getting into the room. I quickly walk over and pull them down.

Bright illumination fills the room.

"Jace! GET OUT!" She calls.

"Not a fat chance." I collapse on her lounge chair. "We need to talk Isabelle."

She sits up and turns towards me, "About what? I'm not in the mood right now."

Nice words, why you get them?

I ignore the after thought and continue, "What the hell are you doing up here? You can't blame yourself for what happened with Clary."

"Of course I can!" She shoots back, "If it wasn't for me, it wouldn't have all occurred!"

I sigh, not exactly sure what's she's getting at, "What are you even talking about?"

She closes her eyes as if she's re-living a nightmare, "We were at the brewery and she looked really sick…I should have done something about it. But I allowed her to run out of there, looking scared and alone, I was too busy worrying about myself and making friends, that I didn't run after her." Izzy soothes her hair down, "If I only came after her, nothing would have happened."

I rest my head against the end of the chair, breathing in what she just told me.

"Izzy. It was Clary's choice to stop taking her medication, not yours." I couldn't believe I was just selling her out. "Even if you stopped her from leaving the brewery, it wouldn't have changed the fact she has a disease. It's all on her, not on you."

Izzy gives a silent agreement when a cry of pure melancholy sounds from the doorway.

I whip my head around to find Clary standing in the doorway.

She's biting her lip, and for one brief second I lock eyes with her.

I see a flash of torment in her eyes, and as quick as I saw her here in Iz's bedroom, she's gone.

* * *

**Cliff Hanger...**

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	6. The New Clary

**FINALLY you get to find out the answer to the cliffy **

**And...**

**Why Simon and Clary aren't friends anymore **

**yaya **

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**you know the drill. **

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* * *

August 27th

Jace

And then I'm running down the stairs, after her. I hear Izzy calling after me, but that doesn't matter to me at all.

I see a fluff of red head darting across the street.

For once, I thank all the years of soccer and football practice, and I pull her wrist back, not allowing her to move another step away.

"Clary, wait."

She finally turns towards me, her face is wiped clean of any emotion what so ever, and her emerald eyes are blazing.

"Let go Jace." She says firmly, her voice shaking a little bit.

I shake my head, keeping my hand tight on her wrist, "No, not until we talk about this."

She attempts to yank her hand away but it's unsuccessful. "There's nothing to discuss, now I have to go. I'm going to ask you one last time, to LET ME GO!" Her voice rises to a scream.

I flinch back as if she's shooting poison darts at me.

"What were you doing here anyways?"

"If I tell you, will you let me go?" She asks, taking a good look at our hands embraced.

"Of course." I answer easily.

She sighs, "Fine. I'm was going to see Isabelle; I'm wanted to apologize for the coffee shop run in. And…."

I motion my free hand for her to continue.

"I was also going to thank you too." Her voice lowers.

My eyebrows knit in confusion, "Thank me for what?"

"For taking me back home that night. If you haven't found me, I don't know what would have happened."

"Oh." That's the only useless word I can come up with.

"Now, let go of me."

"No." I retort.

"Excuse me?" She places her free hand on her hip. The female gesture so familiar, yet so damn sexy coming from her.

"I lied. I'm not allowing you run out to your bedroom and hide from me for the next few days."

Her facial expression turns from confusion to a mask of pure horror.

She glances, once again, at my wrist enlaced with hers. "But Jace, you're hurting me." She flashes me a pained expression.

Sometimes I forget how small and fragile Clary is. I never stop and think about if I hold her too tight I could break her, just like glass.

I loose out my grip just a bit on her and the second I do, she's lashes out to me. She pushes her foot into my shin, sending a shooting pain down my entire leg, while clawing at my arm, trying to get her wrist loose.

She wins.

I shake off the heavy amount of pain just endured from the tiny redhead as I head forward to try to ensure she doesn't leave again.

She takes a few steps back, as if I'm some sort of rapist, absolute disgust covers her face.

"Take one more step forward and I'll scream."

I would have thought she is joking but you haven't seen the look on her face.

"Clary? What's wrong? You're acting like I'm some sort of demon." I ask, not daring to move any closer.

She shakes her head, "Do you know what it's like to be known as the freak kid in my school who needs to take pills twice a day in order to be alive? Yeah, you have no idea!" She takes steps back backwards until she's on her porch steps. "And I just thought, for once, you were different." She looks up at the sky as if she is cursing God, "I thought your family was different."

She reaches her front door.

"Clary, wait, I didn't mean-" I try to tell her the truth but she doesn't want to hear my bullshit.

"Just stop." Her voice is shaking like a rattlesnake now, "Just leave me the hell alone."

And before she walks back into her house, I can see her catch a tear daring to escape her eye.

Clary

I slide down, against the wall of the door. Burying my head into my knees.

I can feel my blood pulsing, my heart beating a million miles per hour, what is happening to me?

I shouldn't be surprised that he would say that about me and that Isabelle wouldn't defend me at all. I hardily know the Lightwoods, and already they're influencing me. Impacting my day-to-day life, and more importantly, how I feel.

I can't allow one family (aka one boy) to have this much power over me, I won't allow it anymore.

"Clary?"

I pick up my head to discover Luke standing in front of me. His arms are crossed and he's looking down at me like I'm some sort of lost puppy.

"Are you feeling okay? Do I need to-"

"I'm fine Luke. I just didn't sleep well, that's all." Lie.

He shakes his head, "Okay. And I wanted to talk to you about DR. Wix. I'm thinking maybe we could go shopping together to get you some new clothes. You know, like old times." He rubs the lenses of his glasses, a gesture he does whenever he gets nervous.

I groan, "I told you, I'm not going there again. I think I made it pretty clear."

He crouches down so that he's eye level with me, "It's not a choice Clary, you're going and that's final." His voice is dripped in that firm-parent-manly voice type thing.

"Why do I even have to go?" I plead with him.

"We have talked about this, you need to get better. You need to get out, hang out with your friends again, and maybe do cheerleading again. DR. Wix can help you with that. I need the old Clary back again." He whispers that last part as if it pains him to even say that.

An idea pops into my head, like in the cartoons when the bright light bulb goes off. "What if I can show you I can do that all by myself!"

He rubs his forehead in confusion, "I'm not really sure what you're getting on here Clary."

I shoot up, and start pacing back and forth in the small doorway. "This will be wonderful!" I exclaim, I don't even remember the last thing I'd said that word. "What if I can show I can hang out with my friends again, get my grades up, and try out for the team again all by myself?"

I'm going somewhere with this, I know it.

He gets up as well, considering the afterthought. "I don't know-"

I cut him off, "Luke seriously this will be great. I can prove to you I can be myself again without needing someone else's help." I flicker my hands up and down for effect. "What if I'm in a bad situation and I don't have DR. Wix or you to help me? I'm going to need to get back on my feet BY MYSELF."

The corners of his mouth twitch up in delight.

Case closed.

"Maybe this could work…"

I exclaim, "YES!" I throw my hands up into the air.

He looks at me like I'm an alien, "Are you sure I'm speaking to Clary?"

I giggle, GIGGLE! "See it's the new me already!"

Luke slaps his forehead "Fine but I want you eating regularly,"

"Got it."

"And dressing normally, out of the dark and black clothes all of the time please,"

"Got it."

"I want all your grades in the high B and A range minimum,"

"Of course." This is going to be a breeze.

"And hanging out with your friends again, I haven't seen Simon or Maia around lately."

"Got it." Now that might be an issue.

"Sports too, cheerleading or whatever physical activity you desire."

"Check!" I make a 'check' symbol in mid air.

"And last but not least, taking your pills every day." He gives me a hard look.

"Yes, yes, yes, I got all of it!"

I head to the stairs, and he calls me back.

"Sorry Luke got to get out of these goth clothes, that's rule number two." I blow him an air kiss and dash up the stairs.

I stare at myself in the mirror.

I changed out of the gray and black clothes and into a silk, green camisole and jean shorts. My mother always told me that I looked my best in this shirt that it always brought out my eyes and made my hair shine. Maybe that's why I haven't worn this outfit in more than four months. It was always a reminder of her, of what it use be. The good old days.

And sometimes I need to remind myself that I have to think of the future and not of the past. I can't do anything about the car accident, I can't change how she decided to go the supermarket that day, and I'm powerless, useless. There's nothing I can do about my past.

Have you ever heard the saying, 'People change but the past doesn't?' That's what I'm going to do, change.

The only thing I can do is alter the future.

I can only change how I now live my life.

And the first person I need to talk with, fix things with, is Simon. He was one of the most important people to me, and I allowed him to fall through my fingers.

I'm not going to make that mistake again.

But I have no idea what I'm going to say to him.

The last time I had a full out conversation with him, I shattered his heart, I walked all over him in my high heal boots and didn't give a shit about it.

I didn't care that I mentally killed my best friend and that frightened me.

_FLASHBACK_

It took me ten minutes to realize someone is banging on my door, shouting my name, begging me to open it.

I probably should get up and answer it, but my arms and legs feel like jell-o.

A part of me is gone, taken away, ripped away, and I can't do anything about it.

It's been three weeks since my mother died, and I have never felt so alone in my life before.

I haven't talked to my friends since before the accident, I don't even want too.

I eventually just tossed my phone out my window; I was tired of the constant ringing and calls from Simon and Maia.

Didn't they just get the freaking clue that I don't want to talk to them?

Luke has tried to get into my bedroom, he's even threatened to strike the door down, but I ignore him. His threats are useless, he is useless.

I don't need him, the only person I need right now is my mother. And she's gone and I can't face the fact that she's never coming back.

And suddenly someone is on the side of my bed, calling my name softly this time.

How in hell did they get inside?

I'm lying face down on my mattress; it's peaceful here because it's hard to breathe. Sometimes I feel I can't properly inhale air and it makes me feel blissful that maybe it's all over. But then I breathe in, and I can sense the oxygen in my lungs.

It's too bad.

That same person is now turning me over on my side, so I face them. Can't they just leave me alone?

"Clary, open your eyes. It's me, I'm here."

I frown; it's a very familiar voice. I peel my eyes open to discover Simon right next to me. His eyes are filled with concern and he's slowly stroking my side, trying to comfort me. But every touch, feels like I'm betraying my mother. I shouldn't be hanging here, talking to Simon; I should be grieving over her.

I slap his arms away and he flinches.

"Leave." I command.

He parts his lips, as if he's searching for the right word to say.

"No Clary, I will not leave you alone. You can't keep hiding in your bedroom all day long, feeling sorry for yourself. You need to get on with your life, that's what your mother would have wanted."

Now, I'm the one who flinches back, "Don't you DARE talk about her like that." My words are full of toxic.

He shakes his head, "Come on Clary, let's go to the brewery or something. It's time for you to move on and get out a little bit."

I sit up straight on bed, "Move on? My boyfriend didn't just dump me Simon! My mother just died! DIED! And your acting like it's nothing, some kind of best friend you are!"

"I'm trying to be your friend by allowing you to go on! You can't spend the next four months of your life isolated up here. Remember Clary, just because she's gone, doesn't mean she disappeared from your memories." His voice lowers on the last sentence.

I lock eyes with him, my green eyes taking him in, he seems like a different person. Not my Simon, who was always there for me.

"Get the hell out."

He stands up and tries to reach for my hand, "Why don't we go out tonight? Get your mind off everything, just you and me."

I roll my eyes, IS HE INSANE, "Why would I EVER want to go out with you Simon? Especially after how you're acting like right now!" I shoot back.

He throws his arms up, "Come on Clary, I haven't seen you in basically a month, it'll be fun."

"FUN?" I scream at the top of my lunges. "Are you freaking insane?"

"Why not?"

I stand up, on the other side of the bed, keeping a far distance between us, "Shall I list the many reasons?"

"And those are?"

He's kidding right? I felt sick to my stomach. "Well, one, my mother just died. Two, you're acting like a dick. And three, I probably rather claw my eyes out then go ANYWHERE with you."

Okay, maybe that was a stretch, but I could feel my blood boiling. Simon didn't even care about how I felt; he is only considering what he wants.

His face falls flat.

"What are you even talking about? I thought-"

I let out a bitter laugh, "You thought what Si? That I liked you? Just because we're friends and I'm a girl?"

He shakes his head, "No, but I-"

I cut him off and continue, "Just because I'm the only girl who gives you attention other than your mother doesn't mean I have girly crush on you!" My smile is wicked, my blood is pounding, and I'm enjoying seeing the heartbroken look on his face.

His face turns white, "I just wanted-"

He can't finish the sentence, his voice cracks and I laugh. A long, sharp, and acid cackle.

"Why would a girl like me EVER like someone like you?" I'm talking about myself like I'm the next Blair Waldorf or something. "Have you ever thought of that? BUT NO YOU HAVEN'T, HAVE YOU SI?"

I cross my arms, my face turning a bright red from out-right anger.

"This unrequited love amuses me. It's pathetic and you're pathetic."

And with that final sentence, Simon walks out my door without another word.

I'll never fail to remember the look on his face when he left, a mix of pure pain, heartbreak, and disappointment.

And that was the last time I never talked to Simon Lewis.

August 28th 

I knew the way to Simon's house like the back of my hand.

I use to go there almost every day, and now it seems like a distance memory.

His small, one story house **(ooc; I forget if they described it ever in the books so I'm making it up) **loomed ahead.

I checked my reflection once more in the car mirror, as if I'm giving myself a boast of confidence and walked out of my car.

I traced my fingers along the familiar wooden door, until I felt it's the right time to knock, firmly, three times.

It flew open, seconds later, and Ms. Lewis is standing in the doorway, her visage of surprise.

"Clary!" She exclaims as she throws her arms around me. "How are you?" She lets go. "I haven't seen you around in forever, I thought you and Simon had a fight."

I give her a weak smile and play with the end of my hair, "Not at all." Lie. "Actually I came by to see if he is here."

She grins at all, "Of course!" She steps away from the doorway. "He's in his room, go on, you know the way."

I nod thanks to her as I step into the house, breathing in the fresh smell of mint leaves and chai.

"Oh and Clary?" She calls back to me.

I turn back, waiting for her answer.

"Say hello to Luke for me."

It pains me to think just a little while ago, she was telling me to say hello to Luke and my mother. And now it's just him in this world. But I don't allow the sadness to crept into my facial expression, "Of course."

The rest of the way to his room is a blur.

I keep my head down, not caring to notice the small changes around their house.

My heart is beating so loudly, I feel that it's going to rip out of my chest. I need to calm down, I need to relax. But somehow, I cannot.

I take one final breath before knocking, not sure what's going to await me on the other side of that door.

I wait a few heartbeats, many a dozen until I hear the shuffling of feet. It even sounds like there are one than pairs of feet in his room.

But who could be in there with him? Maia and Jordan? His sister?

I'm about to knock again when his door tears open.

Standing at the doorway is Isabelle, in nothing but one of Simon's t-shirts.

* * *

**Oops**

**Another cliffy...am I sorry?**

**Nah.**

**:) *evil laugh again***

**Just have to review and wait.**

**Question of the chapter: Thoughts on Simon and Clary's fight...?**

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	7. The Midnight Meadow

**urgh guys I'm sorry, something happened and the chapter didn't upload right **

**here's the REAL one**

**And I know you guys will LOVE it **

**The title of this chapter?**

**Wink wink ;) **

* * *

August 28th

My mouth falls to my chin in utter surprise.

I can see by Isabelle's expression that she wasn't excepting me either.

"Iz? Who's at the door?" I hear Simon call from the back of his room; he is probably lounging on his bed in nothing but a pair of boxer briefs.

My eyes widen, I can't believe what's in front of me. I rub my eyes roughly, to see if I'm dreaming, hoping it'll wipe out the image I just experienced.

"Clary?" Isabelle finally says, her voice is colored by incredulity, "What are you doing here?"

I can see Simon getting up now, hurrying towards the door, at the sound of my name.

"I could ask you the same thing." I reply coldly.

Then Simon is at Isabelle's side, thankfully he's fully dressed, in an 'I heart Brooklyn' shirt and a pair of worn jeans. "Clary?" he repeats the same thing Isabelle just spoke.

But I shake my head; this is the universe telling me it's not the right time to become friends with him again. Maybe it's for the best that were not friends.

"It's fine, um…it looks like you're busy…we'll talk later." I spin around, about to walk away when Isabelle catches my arm.

"Stop. I made the mistake of not coming after you the first time, I won't make that mistake again." I see the hint of a smile cake her face. "I was just leaving anyways." She cuts a glance at Simon briefly before walking back into his room to get her things.

She's probably picking up underwear off the floor. I don't ever want to imagine Simon and Isabelle together.

In a flash, Isabelle's back dressed in her normal clothes and out the door, "Talk to you both later."

And then I'm alone with Simon.

The first few seconds are pure awkward silence until he motions for me to fully enter his room.

His room looks about the same as last time, posters are hung up on the walls of Dungeons and Dragons and other of his nerdy TV shows. The only difference I see is that his mini fridge is in the opposite corner than before.

I choose to stand near the doorway, incase I need moments notice to flee, instead of sitting down.

He looks very uncomfortable, "So…are you going to tell me why you're here or…"

I fidget with the hem of my silk shirt, suddenly at the lost for words.

"Um…." I begin but I trail off.

He grazes his hand through his hair, "Do you need something because I can't think or another reason why you're here."

Ouch, I guess I deserved that one.

I take a long breath out of my mouth, this might be the hardest thing I've ever done in my life, "Okay, if I start talking will you promise me that you'll let me finish and not interne?"

He gives me a confusion glance and nods slowly.

"I still remember the last day I talked to you Simon." I could see pain flash through his face, "It was one of the worst moments of my life. And now I realize that at the time, I was pushing you away. I was in a dark place, and I thought I was better off without you. That you were much better off without me." The words just keep tumbling out like a wave crashing onto shore, "I didn't care, at the time, what I said to you, I just wanted you out of my life. I felt like I was toxic air and anyone who was around me, that breathed me in, suffered."

His mouth opens as if he wants to starts speaking, but I hold up my hand to cut him off. "And as time went on, you, Maia, and all my other friends moved on, without me. While I was just a miserable lump crying out in pain day after day." I can't believe I'm admitting this to anyone before; this is the stuff that lives in the dark part of my mind. Not the kind of information I freely toss out to anyone. "I hurt myself much more, pushing you guys away, then you hurt when I said those awful things to you. I felt like I was punishing myself for not being able to stop my mother from getting into that car that afternoon. I was telling myself I shouldn't be happy or feel joy while my mother is up there in heaven looking down."

I shake my head, trying to keep the tears inside. "And now, almost four months later, I realized I was wasting my time. I shouldn't have been driving my best friends away when I needed them most. I shouldn't have been lying in my bedroom for weeks at time, feeling sorry for myself." I quote his exact words from that night. "I should be making my mother proud, and continuing living a healthy and happy life surrounded by people I care about the most. And that's you, and a bunch of others I need to apologize too." A strange, small laugh escapes from my throat.

"I know I don't deserve your friendship nor a lot of others either. I also know I probably will get ignored after boring you to death with this long speech, but I just wanted to say how sorry I am and…" My voice cracks. "How much I missed you."

I breathe out, and finally lock eyes with him.

But that doesn't last for long; he quickly crosses the room and throws his arms around me.

"You don't know how long I been wanting for you to say that…" He muffles into my ear.

My body relaxes as I wrap my arms around him as well. I bury my head into his shoulder area because I'm way too short to fit into his neck. And I let the tears come in waves.

We spend the next few hours just talking.

We're lying down on his bed, shoulder-to-shoulder, knee-to-knee and it's starting to feel like old times again. The thought spreads a smile across my face.

He catches me up on what I've missed. What he's being doing this past summer, the problems between Maia and Jordan, and the rumors spreading round about the new family around. Even though I already know about that last one.

Questions about Isabelle have been dancing on the tip of my tongue for the past hour but I'm afraid of what how he'll react.

I think I just got 'us' back and I don't want to do anything to ruin that.

But a part of me is screaming to find out the answer.

"Can I ask you something?" I blurt out, that's the problem when you don't have a filter to back you up.

"Shoot." He replies casually.

"What's up with Isabelle?" I decide to just go out and say it. If he gets angry or disappointed, I'm deal with that then. I need to figure out what's happening with my best friend and my neighbor.

He sighs, "Nothing."

I slash a sideways glance at him, "Nothing? It sure didn't look like that."

He rolls over on his side, so he may directly look at me. "Seriously, Clary, nothing. We're just friend, honest. After you introduced at the brewery, we hung out a few times."

I narrow my eyes, "I know it's not my business to ask but-"

"Then don't ask." He says jokily, but I can tell he kind of means it at the same time.

"Why was she wearing your shirt then? That's the kind of thing a girl wears after you slept with them..."

I turn on his mattress, so I can face him as well. We're face to face now. I can feel him breathing, it's…. intimate.

"Clary when I say it's nothing please believe me. She was wearing a tight dress and she asked me if I had anything she could change into for the time she was around." He shrugs. "So I gave her my shirt, nothing happened."

I search his eyes, to find a trend of a lie. I'm known him all of my life and I can tell when he's lying. Simon Lewis is a horrible liar.

"Okay, I believe you, always."

He smiles at me while I cut a glance at the clock on his night table; it's almost 7:30. Crap, Luke is going to kill me.

I shoot up from his bed and reach down for my bag, "I have to run, and I'm way late for dinner and you know how Luke is." I turn on my phone; I have three missed calls from him.

Simon looks at me like he is about to say something else but he thinks better of it. "See you soon?" he asks.

I smile, actually smile. "Of course."

And with that, I race out of his room to my car.

August 29th

I talked to Maia today.

We met for coffee earlier and I explained to her a few things.

She was very understanding like Simon, I'm thankful for both of them.

I'm surprised that I got my two best friends back so easily.

After all I put them through, they're so forgiving and I don't know if I would be on the same level.

Now I'm walking to town's soccer field.

And before you ask, no, I don't play soccer.

I sometimes go there because of the extraordinary view.

Two large, green fields are set onto of a hill. Every night, it has the best view, in town, of the sunset. You can't get it better anywhere else.

I use to come here more often to sketch the fields and the sunset.

This will be the first time in months, since I've been.

My mother introduced me to the fields. She said if you sat on the third row of the blenchers, you would get the perfect view to draw. And like always, she was right.

I set my bag carefully down on the blenchers and take out my worn out black and white sketchpad and a set of sharpen pencils.

I look up at the sky, to see sun setting. It's colors and intensity of light is so calming, it gives me pure peace. I close my eyes and imagine it as if it's my own mother. She's waving goodbye to me and I know she's leaving. She's slowly melting away from the world, but I know that she'll live on. I'll see her, even if it's only in my dreams or memories, again one day. And tomorrow morning, she'll be waving hello to me. Telling me that the day has arrived and it's time to carry on.

My thoughts are scattered when I feel a loud rattle against the side of the blenchers.

My eyes fly open to see a soccer ball standing at the rim of my feet. I travel my eyes from the ball to the person standing just next to it, Jace.

Of course. I haven't talked him since the day I fled Izzy's bedroom, and I wasn't planning on it.

He grins at me, "Clary."

"What are you doing here?" I ask, crossing my arms over my chest immediately.

"Well, hello to you too." He mutters.

"Sorry, rough day." Was it really that bad? Or am I making this up to make myself look as a charity case?

"Want to tell me about it?" He inches closer to me, a concerned look playing on his face.

I raise my eyebrows, "Um, no actually, I'm good. Thanks for offering?"

He shakes his head, "You honestly think I'm a horrible person don't you?"

I put down my pencil on the side, curious to where he's going with this. "What kind of a question is that?"

"A fair one. You act like I'm the type of person who poisons water supplies and steals candy from little children. You don't even know me, and you're completely judging me."

"That's true, I know nothing about you and you know far too much about me. That seems balanced."

He flickers his soccer ball with the sole of his foot and then with his toe, sending it flying into his arms. He makes it look so easy, like anyone would be able to copy his movements.

"How about we change that." He smiles wickedly, sending a shiver of nervous yet excitement down my spine.

"Explain…." I motion my hand for him the keep talking.

"You want to get to know me better, correct?"

I shrug, "Yeah sure." I keep my voice natural and calm, I try not to sound as excited as I feel. My body is buzzing with complete thrill to what awaits this. And by 'this', I'm not exactly sure yet.

He turns around and for a brief second, I think he's going to leave, but he motions me to follow him. "Come on then, follow me."

I raise one eyebrow this time, "Should I be scared?" My heart urges me forward, screaming at me to follow him, to see what the future holds. But another part of me is hesitant, afraid of what this golden boy has in store.

I've been in terrible situations where upperclassmen pretend to like me. They act like 'I'm the only for them'. But all they really want is to brag to their friends that they banged the mental girl.

I hope that won't happen again.

"Maybe." He replies with a cocky smirk as he continues to walk forward, not bothering to see if I'm following him.

What the hell, it's the new Clary right?

I quickly shove my sketchpad and pencils into my bag and hurry towards where his disappearing figure lies.

I'm following him through an enigma of forest.

It's a trail easy to get through from the soccer fields.

He winds around the large, oak trees, deeper and deeper into the woods.

I'm starting to get a panicky sensation shooting down my arms and legs.

This sort of 'situation' reminds me of the movies. When the sweet, dangerous boy (you kind of have a crush on) leads you to a nice isolated area where no one can hear your screams. And when you're not looking, he hits in the head with a tree branch.

And BANG.

You're dead.

Okay…maybe that's a little bit of a stretch, but it could happen. You know, anything is possible.

Throughout the entire walk, it's silent. But it's not that kind of awkward quietness when you're dying to get out of there. It's the type where you're both enjoying the sweet calmness of everything around you.

Jace is the first one to speak up, "Okay, we're almost here."

Suddenly the trees open up and in front of us is a prodigious pond. It looks like it spreads from one town to the other because I can't see where it ends.

I can sense it's clean by the clear, blue layer of water on top and how it's crawling with wildlife. There are frogs to fish to sea turtles all swimming around.

It's one of the most beautiful sights I've ever seen.

"Come one," He breaks me out of my trance, "It's just across."

Across?

But I don't want to go across, it's too gorgeous here.

And I tell Jace just that.

He lets out a laugh and motions me to the edge of the pond. "Trust me, it's worth it."

That's when I notice the stepping-stones throughout the middle of pond. They make a path to the other end.

He steps onto the first rock, balancing on one leg and then steps onto the second. He holds out his hand, "Here,"

No, I don't need help. I'm strong, tough and I can take care of myself.

Well, that's what I'm working on.

"I got it." I inform him.

And he just shrugs and carries on, racing ahead of me, until I can't see him anymore. Instead of taking the fast approach, like Jace, I take my steps carefully. The rocks are slippery since they're covered in pond water. I don't understand how he can move so swiftly without making a single mistake, it intrigues me.

What seems like hours later, I'm at the other end of the pond, and out of breath.

Jace is lounging on the grass, eating an apple like it's no big deal.

"Thanks for the help." I mutter while flopping down on the bed of grass beside him, on the verge of exhaustion. I'm not sure how this cheerleading team is going to work out.

"You should you had it, and you did." He shrugs and continues eating his apple.

"Really?" I cut him a vexed expression.

"What?" His eyes dance in amusement. "You want an apple too? Thankfully I packed two." He digs into his sports bag, which I haven't noticed he is holding, and takes out another granny smith apple. He tosses it to me and I catch it in mid-air. "Don't tell me you're a red delicious kind of girl because if that's so, we can't possibly be friends."

My mouth twitches up in mirth, as I bit down on the apple.

A sweet yet bitter taste explodes into my mouth, as I collapse, on my back, onto the grass.

"So how is this meadow and pond getting to know Jace Wayland?" I ask, closing my eyes, enjoying the tickling of the sunflowers against my check.

"This is where I spend most of my time." He answers plainly.

"Didn't you just move here like a week ago?"

"Yep, I discovered this the first day we got here. I had to get away from all the movers and Mayrse controlling everyone, where all the clothes should go, etc, and then I came across this place."

He lies down on the green beside me; his face is inches from mine.

"Well there's a headliner, 'Jock Jace Wayland has a soft spot for beautiful views'."

He laughs, "Very funny Fray."

I frown, "Don't call me that."

That was always a nickname Simon called me. It would be strange, if someone else called me that.

"Why? That's your last name isn't it?"

I don't answer, and allow the soft noise of the pond water to fill my ears instead.

As much as I love it here, it's strange to think I'm alone here with Jace.

I'm still not completely sure if the thought exhilarates me or petrifies the crap out of myself.

I shake the thoughts away and focus only on this moment.

I finally speak after a few minutes of silence, "Is this the only thing I'm going to get to find out about you Jace? That you secretly love the serenity of this meadow?"

He shakes his head, "What else do you want to know about me Clary?" he whispers softly.

I stare up at the sky that's starting to darken, "Tell me anything." My voice is as soft as his.

And he does exactly that.

We talk for what could be an hour or three.

The sky turns the color of midnight, and those dancing stars whirl into sight.

I learn that before the Lightwoods, he was an only child.

I learn that he grew up in a small manor house in Europe.

I learn that he plays soccer and football, but soccer is his main sport. His father taught him how to play it and football is something he picked up from Alec.

I learn that he idolized his father, he taught Jace everything he knows today, and he misses him every single day.

I learn that we have something in common. How we both lost someone we loved very much, and we think about them everyday.

The more I find out about Jace, the more I realize I misjudged him. He places a shell around his real self to mask the pain and emptiness he feels everyday. It's pretty obvious that he feel he doesn't fit in with the Lightwoods. Well for one, he doesn't look anything like them and two, Maryse and Robert try to treat him like one of their own, but the logical truth is that he's not.

All his words not mine.

And when he stops talking, the tension in his upper body seems to have floated away, and escaped. He seems much more relaxed around me, almost like he would trust if entire life savings on me.

I'm shocked to have broken through his shell, but I don't think I ever been more relieved in my life.

Even when I was younger and fell off the playground and thought I'd broken my arm, but I only sprained my wrist.** (ooc; I know she actually broke her arm, but bare with me on this)**

Even then, did not compete with this moment.

**(OOC; SOON THERE WILL BE A SCENE FROM COB RE-WRITTEN TO FIT THIS STORY LINE AND IN FIRST PERSON. Some of these words are not mine, just fixed and fitted, all rights go to Cassie)**

The darkness surrounds us; I could barely see his features anymore.

"We should probably head back." He stares up at the sky, "It's getting pretty dark."

I nod, then realizing he can't see me, "All right." To my relief, my voice sounded normal.

The air around us appeared to have changed. Instead of being mixed with tension and uncertainty, it's filled with pure elation.

We near the stepping-stones, and Jace steps onto the first one then the second one without missing a beat.

I wait because the darkness is overwhelming, creating an unbalancing feeling throughout me.

I can't see the steps; I can hardly see Jace making progress towards the trail.

"Clary?" he turns back, "Are you coming?"

I don't move.

I don't speak.

Then I hear the soft thump of incoming footsteps and now Jace is once again at my side, on the first stone.

"Here," he sticks out his hand, but in the pitch-black, it resembles a small flicker of movement.

This time, I take his hand.

Mine fits perfectly in his, which probably shouldn't make any sense because my hand is the size of a seed and his is the size of its apple.

Slowly, and carefully, we make our way down the stepping-stones.

He keeps his hand firmly in mine, not daring to let go.

I can hear his breathing ahead of me, long; sharp inhales as if he just finished an intense run.

Finally, I see the looming figures of the trees ahead. We must be near the end of the stones.

I turn my head to the left and right, trying to get a glance of the land ahead in the shadows. But all I see, if a small patch of green ahead, I believe that's the path through the trees.

Suddenly, while my head is searching for who-knows-what, I see a white spark flash up and out of the water.

My mouth opens in a gasp, but nothing comes out.

I'm too busy worrying about the foolish fish that I don't notice we have reached the land.

Instead of jumping, like Jace did, to the grass, I think it's another stone. I jerk forward hastily, trying to get my foot on the landing, but my shoulder collides with his- he puts a hand out to steady me, just as I turn to apologize, he catches me into his arms. And then somewhere I'm in a circle of his arms and he's kissing.

It's at first, as if he didn't want to kiss her; his mouth is hard on mine, unyielding; and then he puts both arms around me and pulls me flush against him. His lips soften and I can feel the rapid beat of his heart, the taste the sweetness of the apples still on his mouth.

I wind my hands into his hair, as I'd wanted to do since the first time I've saw him. His hair is in curls around my fingers, silky and fine.

My heart is racing a hundred millions per hour; I'm worried that it's going to fly away, and out of my chest. Which would end the livid sensation that my heart is causing.

There's a rushing sound in my ears, like the flow of water.

It's just the pond. But no.

And then it starts raining.

Well, that might be an understatement.

It starts freaking pouring on us. Almost like the Gods from heavens are sending us a message….

Jace draws away, with a muffled exclamation, "We should really go now." He laughs, a mischievous smirk covering his face.

We made our way back to our road.

We ran the rest of the way, through the trees while getting soaked.

But it felt like a different journey entirely to me. Jace keep my hand in his, sending tiny electrical shocks traveling up and down my veins from every point where he touched me; my fingers, my wrist, the palm of my hand.

My mind is buzzing with so many questions, but at the same time I'm too afraid of breaking the mood to ask any of them. Everything finally seemed to be working out and I didn't want to open my big, fat mouth and say something to ruin it all.

We reached my front door. I lean against the wall beside it, and I look up at him. "Thanks for the showing me that meadow." I say, trying to keep my voice neutral.

He seemed reluctant to let go of my hand. "Are you going to sleep?"

He's just trying to be polite.

Then again, this is Jace, he's never polite.

"Aren't you tired?"

His voice is low, "I've never been more awake."

He bent down to kiss me, cupping my face with his free hand. Our lips touched, lightly at first, and then with a stronger pressure.

A flicker of light flashed on and off from inside the house, breaking us from our PDA.

Luke.

"I'll see you tomorrow?" I ask, letting go of his hand in mine.

He smiled shyly at me; "I've never looked forward to anything more in my life."

My smile radiates up the stairs and into my bedroom.

I look like one of those freaky chicks in horror movies that are portrayed to be too happy, just to scare the living shit out of you.

I crawl into my bed, not bothering to shower off the smells of the meadows or even change into a nightgown.

I wanted my dreams to carry on as excellent as the moments I just shared with Jace.

And they did.

I've never slept so soundlessly and so well in my entire life.

* * *

**you love me right?**

**don't be so sure yet hehe **

**anyways...**

**Q: Where do you think this story will go?**

**I'm curious to see your thoughts! **

**remember to review review review **


	8. It only takes seconds for trust to break

**I know you all hate me for taking so long to update...**

**BUT I can explain, **

**exams and moving across the country have gotten in the war of writing. **

**BUT to please you all I wrote last night instead of studying ;)**

**Enjoy even though after this chapter you will probably hate me. **

* * *

August 30th

Clary

I try not to think about last night too much because I don't want to turn into one of those obsessive teenager girls who their lives revolve around a guy.

But I can't escape the thoughts of his arms cradling around me, my hands wounded up in his hair, and (duh the best part) his lips on mine.

It sends a shiver of pure desire down my backbone.

I woke up today with a spring in my step.

I quickly dressed in a plaid blouse; loose jeans shorts fitted with a belt, and topped it off with cowgirl boots. I took my hair out of my face by pinning them up in two detached braids.

It felt good to be myself again; well it's starting to feel like myself again.

…

It took all my self-control not to keep looking out my window every five seconds to see what he's up too.

_Remember Clary, you're not one of those girls. _

_Well, am I?_

I'm starting to have conflicting thoughts.

A soft, knock sounded at my door.

I set down my laptop and sprint towards it.

Luke.

I couldn't hide my disappointment.

He gives me a peculiar look, "Someone is at the door for you."

I keep my face impartial, I didn't want Luke to start making rules about what ever we are…

"Thanks."

I stomped down the stairs and caught my breath before opening the door.

Jace stood at the doorway, his hands in his pockets.

My heart skipped a beat, literally.

"Hey," he says casually.

I smile bashfully, "Hi."

"Walk with me?" He pointes towards the end of the street.

I nod and he takes my hand.

I breathe out in relief.

This finally familiar, like I'm stepping into a euphoria memory.

It feels like home, him with me.

We start down my stairs and that's when I notice his house.

Maryse and Robert are hurrying from his house to their car, filling the mobile with suitcase after suitcase.

I go stiff, are they moving again?

_What's happening?_

I stare at Jace from the side, but he's not paying attention. He's looking straight ahead, as if he's gazing at the future waiting in front of him.

I gulp in anxiety as we walk farther and farther ahead from our houses.

Finally he stops and chooses for us to sit on a bench close to the end of the road. I remember this stop, when I was little, I would always bike here. And then stop to take a break, I thought I just biked like a mile, I would always pretend I just biked up The Andes or something.

What an imagination I had.

Jace pulls me back into reality by slowly stroking the palm of my hand with his. It sends those electric waves down my arms just like last night.

"Oh Clary…" he whispers my name.

"Hmmm…" I reply, I didn't know what else to say, I want him to answer my questions, like right now.

"I have some good and bad news." He starts. My hand goes tense under his touch, he laughs at it. "Don't worry, it's not _that_ bad."

_Then why aren't you looking at me?_ I want to scream that at him, but I need to be patience.

"Which do you want first, good or bad?"

"Always bad news first." I reply with ease. It's much easier to get the worst over with at first and then have something to calm you down with after.

He smiles sadly; "Maryse announced to us today that we're taking…" he puts up air quotes with his free hand, "a family time together for the rest of the summer." He sighs, "We're going to our lake house is basically what she means."

Oh.

I don't really know what to think, or even say.

"Say something Clary."

He's looking at me, searching for signs of who-knows-what.

I finally look back at him and we lock eyes. "That's cool." My voice is plain.

He laughs without amusement, "That's cool? That's all you have to say?"

I frown, no, that's not AT ALL what I have to say, but I just couldn't find the words.

"It will only be for a few days." He begins, "Trust me, if I could stay I would. I even convinced Maryse that I had soccer tryouts, she even believed me." He smiles mischievously, "But then she called the school and found out if wasn't soccer tryouts until school actually started."

His smile fades.

I finally find my voice, "It's okay Jace, really. You'll be back before we both know it." I try to smile at him, but it doesn't work out. "I'm sure family bonding time will be a blast!" I even add some prep into my voice, to give him a boast of confidence.

"I knew you'd understand," he releases my hand and uses it to cup my check, "and about that good news…"

He gently presses his forehead to mine. I can feel his breath and see his lips (which I want to kiss badly) that are so close to mine.

"Yes…" I breathe out anxiously.

"At least when I get back," he smirks, "We'll have plenty of catching up to do."

And that's the exact moment when he crushes his lips onto to mine.

It's not a soft kind of kiss; it's aggressive as if we can make up for all the lost time that will just disappear.

Just when he deepens it, a loud car horn knocks us out of our daze. The Lightwood's car is parked right next to us, why didn't I hear it drive up?

Oh, I have _no idea why_; maybe I was caught up kissing an insanely attractive male.

Alec sticks his head out the window, "Let's break it up you two lovebirds! We have to get going…"

Alec and Isabelle are smirking at us, like their hiding a secret, while Maryse and Robert are just looking vexed up in the front of the car.

Jace sighs and pulls me up from the bench. "Great timing," he mutters under his breath. "Do you want me to walk you home?" He turns towards me.

I shake my head, "Go ahead Jace," I playfully shove his shoulders forward, "I'll see you soon."

He kisses me on the check briefly before jogging off his car.

I wave to them while they drive off.

I stand there until I can't see the car anymore. Then and only then, do I turn around and walk back towards my ranch house.

My mind feels like mush.

I can't help but thinking; _what'll happen at the lake house? _

I've seen the movies, I've lived the movies, and an uneasy feelings spreads across my arms.

I trust Jace don't I?

September 2nd

My life is dull without him.

That sounds SUPER cheesy but it's the truth.

I miss him, there feels like there is an empty sensation inside of me. A gaping hole has opened up and no matter how much time I spend with Simon or Maia, it won't close.

September 4th

It's been five days since I've seen him.

I miss his golden features, I miss his blonde locks, his beautiful smile, and of course, his lips.

I want to feel his lips on mine so badly, it hurts.

I have these torrid dreams where we're kissing and kissing and it's going somewhere…and then I wake up.

In a pool of sweat and most importantly, I wake up alone.

September 8th

I turned into someone I never thought I would become, an obsessive teenager girl.

My days seem to orbit around Jace.

Every the morning, I pick up my cellphone, my fingers dancing on the numbers, craving to call him.

But I never do.

If he wanted to talk to me, he would call, right?

I keep trying to tell myself that there's probably no signal at his Lake House.

Aren't those houses in the middle of nowhere?

Whatever, I don't care.

_Yep, just keep telling yourself that Clary. _

Jace

September 1st

Our lake house, so far, is so boring.

Four times, in the middle of the night, I almost stole the car keys from my parents and was tempted to drive back to Brooklyn.

But, I thought of the consequences.

One, I would leave my family, in the middle of nowhere, without a ride home. And two, when they would back home, they would kill me, I'm not even joking.

I sigh, if only Clary was here with me, then everything would be better.

September 3rd

Izzy is driving me nuts.

Apparently, she befriended the only other girl our age in the lake area.

And all day and night, they have been talking, blasting music, and singing. And guess what? Her bedroom is next to mine.

I shove my pillow closer and closer to my ears, but it won't drown out the noise.

I groan and stand up; I can't deal this any longer.

I pat to her bedroom, my bare feet sliding across the cool tile.

I knock on her bedroom, one, twice, six times.

Nothing, I'm guessing they can't hear me.

I shout her name, but I'm fearful that if I open the door without permission, they'd be dancing around in nothing but their birthday suits.

I'm about to knock again when her door flies open.

It isn't Isabelle.

The girl standing before me is wearing nothing but a bra and booty shorts. She's sucking on a lollipop and her smile widens when she sees me.

"You must be Jace." She screams over the music.

"I'm Aline." Instead of shaking my hand (like a normal person), she bear hugs me. Aline wraps her slender arms tightly around me.

When she releases me, I get a good look of her.

I guess you could describe her as 'striking'.

She's half Asian, with curved check bones and her eyes are different than others girls. It makes her stand out.

Aline is still smiling at me (it's kind of creeping me out) and sucking on her lollipop like it's her job (blow job more like it).

Isabelle appears at her side; thankfully she's wearing more than Aline (not much though), a short black dress.

Izzy crosses her arms, "What are you doing here Jace?"

I point to my ears, "Turn it off!"

She gives me a confused glance, "What?"

I roll my eyes, "Turn down your music!"

She shakes her head, still not understanding what I'm saying, "WHAT?"

I'm about to say it for the third time when she crosses her room and she turns off her stereo.

"Now what did you want?"

I roll my head back, "Really Iz? I'm trying to sleep and all I can hear if your music." I lean against the doorway. "Can you just keep it down please?"

Aline inches forward, she's trying for me not to notice, "Of course." Aline says. "Is there anything else you need _Jace_?" She rolls her tongue on my name.

I narrow my eyes, what's this girl up too? "That's all." I say clearly.

I walk out the door without another word, but I can't help to glance over my shoulder to find Aline at the doorway, still staring at me like I'm fresh meat.

September 5th

Aline keeps trying to find ways to talk me.

I swear she hasn't left our house in days because every time I turn a corner, she's there.

The way she says my name is haunting. It disgusts me and reminds me of how Clary calls me, except it's the exact opposite.

_Clary_.

My heart contracts at the thought of her.

I miss I could talk to her, but being the GREAT parents they are, Maryse and Robert took all of our phones away. They said we couldn't have the outside world clogging our minds while we need to spend time together and other bullshit like that.

I searched the house, top to bottom and couldn't find my phone anywhere.

It sucks.

My life sucks right now.

September 7th

Maryse, Robert, Alec, Max, and Isabelle are all out in town. Something about getting groceries and they asked me to go, but I pretended I had a monstrous headache.

Which, isn't all a lie.

My whole body aches, but I'm not tired and I haven't worked out in days. I don't know what's wrong with me.

There's a vacant feeling inside of me, like I'm missing something.

Or someone.

_Clary_.

I never felt this way about anyone, ever.

I was the type of guy who got with girls and then never spoke with them again.

I don't want that to happen again with her.

She's different.

I'm going to be-

A loud banging sound arrives at my door.

It shakes my thoughts away and I find a way to pull myself up and out of bed.

Who could be at my bedroom door?

Are they back already?

No, standing in the doorway is Aline.

My eyes furrow in confusion, "How did you get inside?" I demand.

She's wearing nothing but a skimpy, neon green dress. Does she ever wear clothes? Aline's smile broadens while she holds up a small, thin key. "Isabelle gave me this."

Really? Didn't they just meet like a few days ago?

"Becoming fast friends I see?" I say with a tired voice. I choose to stay here so I could be alone, not so I had to deal with Aline.

"You could say that." She twirls the key in her hair, for some strange reason.

"Why are you here anyways? Isabelle isn't here."

She leans against the doorway to close the distance between us, "Oh I know."

I sigh, "So the reason why you're standing in my bedroom is because…?"

She slides the key in her dress pocket, and leans closer to me, whispering into my ear, "I came to see you." And for some reason, I don't back away from her.

My breaths come heaver, and I don't say a word while she trails her index finger against the side of my check.

Unlike Clary's touch, it doesn't send waves of desire through me; it just makes me go rigid instead.

"It's great we have the place all to ourselves." She traces her fingers from my check to my lips, slowly, gently. Yet her fingernails are long and fake, so they claw at my skin.

My mind is shouting at me to back away, that I have Clary only a few miles away, but my body isn't obeying.

In one quick movement, she presses her lips onto mine.

When I don't push her away, she takes this as a sign of encouragement, yet she doesn't really realize I'm not intensely kissing her back. It's a one-way street here.

She pushes me back until we reach the end of my bed. Crawling on top of me, she thrusts my arms above my arm, taking full control of this situation. It's different for me, I'm usually the lead, and now I'm letting my guard completely down.

Kissing turns into touching, and all of _this_ turns my mind off completely.

All my thoughts are evaporated, and the only thing I'm thinking about is what's directly in front me. Not of the horrible consequences that await after this or most importantly, I don't think of Clary.

I guess you could say loneliness is your most powerful weapon.

* * *

**;|**

**THOUGHTS? **

**Are you screaming? Crying? **

**Idk. **

**I promise once exams are over and I get settled in, I will write and write and write to update!**

**Review to make me happy!**


	9. First is the Worst

**How's your summer going so far?**

**Good? Great!**

**Here's another one guyyys **

**Sorry, moving is tough and especially hard when I'm trying to write. **

**Hope you enjoy. **

* * *

Clary

September 10th

School starts in two days and still no sign of Jace.

Still no calls from him, I'm starting to get a bad, pit feeling in my stomach like something is wrong.

But I don't know what.

Jace

September 10th

Since it's our last day at the lake house, Maryse gave us our phones back.

I don't have the courage to pick up the phone and call Clary.

I don't know what I would say to her.

My mind keeps wondering back to that night, with Aline.

I'm a horrible person.

Why would I do such a thing?

I have Clary, and I slept with another girl, just because.

Clary

September 11th

I'm lying in my bedroom, staring up at the ceiling.

It's my last day of summer vacation, I should be out with my friends, doing something reckless but instead I'm staying home, doing absolutely nothing.

I'm starting to think the Lightwoods aren't coming back.

Maybe the whole 'lake house' was a cover story and Jace didn't have the guts to tell me that he was never coming back.

I wouldn't be surprised.

A loud, buzzing noise brings me out of my daydreaming.

My phone is ringing.

A small part of me is still hoping its Jace, so before I even know it, I'm racing over to the small piece of metal, and checking the caller ID.

Isabelle.

My heart sinks.

To think about it, I haven't heard from her either.

I'm not entirely sure, if that's a good or a bad side.

I pick it up its third ring, "Hello?"

"Clary!" her bubbly voice comes through, "How have you been? It feels like I haven't talked to you in forever!"

Well maybe it's because you haven't…

"I'm fine. How's the lake house?" Basically my voice is hinting at, how's Jace?

"Good, great! We met a family that's in our grade this year, the Penhallows, do you know them?"

My face falls, Aline.

Let's just say, we aren't the best of friends.

"I think I know them." I reply vaguely.

"Well great! We all became fast friends and I bet we would all be best friends." I can tell Isabelle is trying to make an effort here, but it just won't work.

"So," I change the subject, "When will you guys be back? Before school starts?"

"Of course! We're on our way back as you speak. We'll be there in…" she pauses. "Mom? When will be back?"

I always thought it's odd that Isabelle, Alec, and Max refer to their parents as 'mom' and 'dad', while Jace calls them by their first names.

I hear a voice, Maryse, speaking to Isabelle, before she continues, "About half an hour."

My heart skips a beat.

I'm. Going. To. Get. To. See. Jace. In. Less. Than. An. Hour.

I can't hide my smile, "Can't wait to see you!" I pause, "Is Jace there?"

"Oh yeah, he's right over here…" I hear the shuffling of her phone, like she's trying to shove her phone towards him.

"Jace, Clary wants to talk to you…." more shuffling noises, a grunt as well, "Wait what?" Isabelle calls in confusion.

What's going on?

"Don't you want to talk to her?" She asks.

I'm about to call out, when her phone clicks off.

Jace

"JACE!" Isabelle whines in my face. "Why you hang up?"

She starts to dial her number again when I quickly swipe the phone out of her hand and out of reaching distance.

"What the hell?"

I sigh, "Just don't call her back please?"

She glares at me, "Do you want to tell me WHY?"

I stare straight ahead, ignoring her question, pretending I'm looking at the amazing landscape of the highway.

"Isn't she your girlfriend?"

"No." I answer quietly.

I don't deserve Clary; she doesn't deserve to be my girlfriend, not after what I did.

"What happened-"

Alec cuts her off, "Isabelle knock it off, if he doesn't want to talk about it, than leave it alone okay?" He gives me a worried glance; I don't need their pity.

Isabelle waves her hand in the air, annoyed. "Whatever."

Clary

Now, I'm starting to freak myself out.

I have been sitting on the porch swing for about an hour now, waiting anxiously for them to arrive.

I have my sketchpad in my lap, incase when they arrive, they don't think I'm creepily waiting for them to come. Which is the truth.

Minutes past by, while my blood pressure is increasing, I haven't eaten anything all day long.

My pills need me to have food along with it. If I don't eat regularly, the pills collide with my empty stomach and it could cause for fainting spells. I know I promised Luke I would take care of myself, but today has been a nightmare.

I can't get him out of my mind.

Why did he hang up on me?

And why, when I called back, did he (or maybe it was Isabelle) immediately decline the call?

It's driving me insane, I need answers now.

Thankfully, I got my wish because just in that moment, the Lightwoods car starts driving up the road.

My breath catches, just inside that car, is Jace. I can't wait to see him, I can't wait for him to catch me into his arm and feel his lips onto mine.

Their car parks, Maryse and Robert get out first, heading towards the back of the car, I'm guessing they are going to unload. Then comes little Max, holding onto one of his comic books, he waves to me, I grin and wave back. I watch as he half waddles back into his house. Next comes Alec and Isabelle, she immediately sees me and grins.

"Clary!" I wave and watch as she crosses the street swiftly. But that's not what I'm paying attention too; I'm waiting for Jace to exit the car.

And finally he does.

This scene has been dancing on my dreams for a week now. We run towards each other in slow motion, I jump into the air and he catches me in his arms. We passionately kiss and then finally, I bury my head onto his neck, and he just holds me. It's just like the movies.

Except that doesn't happen at all.

He quickly removes himself from the SUV and ducks his head, like he's trying to hide himself from someone. Could it possibility be me? He nearly jogs over and into his house and slips through it without a single wave or glance in my direction.

My mouth falls open.

"Clary?" Isabelle is right in front of me. "What's wrong?" She's taking a double take between her house and I.

I take a second to compose myself, trying to sweep up the broke pieces Jace just shattered.

"Did I do something?" I reply in a hushed voice.

She looks at me with sad eyes, "You're talking about Jace? I have no idea." She shakes her head slightly. "He's been acting really strange for the past few days."

She rubs her forehead, "To think about it, ever since I introduced him to Aline, he seemed sort of _off_. Maybe she said something to him."

My face goes completely pale.

Aline Penhallow, known as the school's slut, was probably shaking up there in the lake house with Jace.

I was going to be sick, no. I _am_ going to be sick.

I push away Isabelle's helping hand, and ran back into my house, I shove the front door closed, and lock it so no one can get inside.

The remains of my dinner last night, explodes onto the kitchen floor, it looks exactly like oatmeal.

I don't bother to clean it up before I collapse onto the floor right next to it.

Next thing I know, Luke is standing over me.

There is this _awful_ in the air, it reminds me of a decaying human. Not like I've ever smelled that person.

I blink a few times, until the kitchen comes into focus.

Luke is sweeping up a pile of mud? Food, next to me? Then I take a closer look.

The moments of earlier hit me like a bull to its next victim. Me throwing up, then collapsing on the floor next to her, and Jace_. Jace, Jace, Jace_.

I move myself up into a sitting position, "What's going on?" I call to Luke.

"Why don't you tell me." He answers coldly.

I shake my head, it kills, and I probably hit it on the way down. "It's kind of blurry."

I'm not sure I want to admit to my stepfather that I had a panic attack because the boy I really like is ignoring me.

"Do you need me to call DR. Wix?"

"NO, NO, ABSOUTELY NOT!" I answer quickly, "I didn't eat all day, I felt sick, and.." I point to the pile of throw up, "That's my food from last night and I believe I slipped on the throw up and fell and hit my head." Lie.

He eyes me, "You believe?"

"No, I'm positive." Lie.

"You sure you don't want me to call DR. Wix? Just to make sure everything is all good?"

I stand up, shaking off the dizziness. "I'm all good." I lean against the counter, but I try to make it not obvious. "I need to take a shower though, I smell disgusting."

Before he can push about the doctors again, I run up the stairs to escape Luke and to escape myself.

September 12th

It's the first day of school.

I'm gazing at myself in the mirror.

I look like death today. I barely slept last night; I couldn't get him out of my head. His affairs at the lake night kept running through my head, what really happened?

Will I ever find out?

I cure my tired eyes, by adding a layer of cover up and mascara.

I throw on a pair of dark jeans and a simple navy blouse with a combat boots. I pin my hair up in a loose ponytail, leaving a few curls tickling down my neck.

I'm ready, I tell myself, and I can do this.

I can survive another year of school with classmates that hate me, and I can deal with the mystery family across the street, can't I?

Izzy 'picks me up' after I finished getting ready for school. Her definition and mine of picking up is very different. Since she lives across the street, all I had to do is walk a few feet and hop into her car, nothing scandalous or anything.

When I slide into her car seat, I look around viciously; a part of me is hoping that _he_ will be sitting in the back seat with that same smug smile, waiting for me. He'll pull me into the back seat, completing ignoring that Isabelle is driving and crush his lips onto mine.

But as usual, my fantasies don't come true.

"Ready?"

I stare at the empty car and nod at Isabelle, "As I'll ever be."

On the way over, Isabelle chitchats about the lake house, but it's not the information I need to find out. She describes their adventures in tubing, hiking (I can't imagine her doing that), and swimming in general.

I'm barely listening.

"Tell me about the Penhallows." I blurt out, cutting her off in mid-sentence.

She gives me a confused glance, "What about them? Don't you know Aline and her siblings already?"

Great, way to work around the bush Iz, "Yeah, I meant how did your family like them? Sometimes when I have a new friend over, Luke will either love or hate them." I just keep talking and talking, what's wrong with me?

"Um okay…?" She shakes her head but keeps her eyes on the road, "My parents loved their parents, they talked a lot, I'm guessing that's a good sign." Keep talking… "I'm not sure about Alec, Jace, or Max though." She shrugs. "Alec mystery keeps leaving the lake house, saying he was meeting a friend, someone named Magnus, never heard of him. And Jace, he really didn't come out of his room much, he acted like he comminited a crime and was being punished, it was odd."

Relief flows through my veins, at least that entailed he wasn't hooking up with Aline day and night…

"Why are you asking-" Isabelle is about to continue when we pull into the school's parking lot, a slow smile spreads across my face.

"Let's go!" I ignore her question and drag her out of the car.

I walked with Isabelle to get our semester schuelde.

I had two classes with her, English Lit and Gym.

Shortly after I showed her around the school, I caught up with Simon and Maia. I had four classes with Simon and three with Maia. This year might not suck as bad as I predicated.

Simon and I made our way to our first class, biology. It felt normal to stroll through the halls with him, the only difference is, that I'm keeping my eyes glued for a specific golden boy.

I don't see him anywhere.

I try to shake the nerves away as we step into room 24, Simon is cracking a joke about Dungeons and Dragons and how it relates to real life. A bubbly laugh escapes from my throat, maybe I could get through the first day…..

That thought is completely shattered from my mind when the classroom swims into focus.

Several students are milling around, chatting with the friends that they haven't seen in awhile, but that's not what gets my attention.

In the dead center of the room, Aline is sitting on top of something, not something, _someone_.

My eyes widen in disbelief.

It's my _someone_, Jace.

And the two of them are locked in a passionate embrace.

* * *

**Soooo**

**Do you hate me yet?**

**Nope nope. **

**Just wait...**  
**You'll be screaming soon xD **

**Review! **

**And let me know your plans for the summer! **

**with love, **


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